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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #do something, #let you know, #spitting on forehead, #whats worng

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"When you do something that I don't like, I'll let you know by cursing and then spitting on your forehead." "Maybe you could just tell me what I did wrong." "#*$@!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle, #offcie, #meeting, #privacy, #geographically dependant, #benchmark test, #business

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The boss: "Dilbert, come to my office for a minute." Dilbert: "What's in your office?" The boss: "You and I will be there." Dilbert: "If you just want to talk, we can do it right here and save us both some time." The boss: "Maybe we need privacy, did you ever think of that?" Dilbert: "Do we need it?" The Boss: "No, that was just an example. There are many, many reasons why we should talk in my office." Dilbert: "I'll be fascinated to find out what kind of information is geographically dependent." The Boss: "Now, do you have the results from the Benchmark Tests?" Dilbert: "Yup. In my cubicle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #100 million, #dental plan, #not effective, #major corporation

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Dogbert's Executive Search Firm "How would you like to be the CEO of a major corporation?" "You'd be paid $100 million per year just for showing up." "I'd have to see the dental plan." "He's not very effective during the day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #office efficency, #celebrated, #done forevre, #feel special

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources In order to improve office efficiency, all birthdays will be celebrated on the same day." "Do you mean one clebration per year, or just once and then we're done forever?" "Just once." "Well, at least I'll feel special once. What day is the celebration?" "Yesterday."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #[roducts name, #means something bad, #elbonian, #pleasure from wedgie, #thinking of trying, #elbonia

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We've just been informed that our product's name means something bad in the Elbonian language. "It means "the intense pleasure derived from giving yourself a wedgie."" "Thus was hatced the greatest prank ever perpetrated by Elbonia." "I gotta try that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #automated task, #three hours, #resourceful, #lazy, #character flaw, #compaliner, #quitter

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"Can I show you something that I'm proud of?" "I austomated a task that used to take me three hours." "Well, well, well. Isn't that just like you?" "Resourceful?" "Lazy." "Did you ust turn my brilliant accomplishment into a character flaw?" "Complainer." "Let's just forget the whole thing." "Quitter."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #personal items, #can't be higher, #cucblicl wall, #aesthetic reasons, #doll, #einstein doll, #try this concept, #stock plunge

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"Alice, company policy says that personal items can not be higher than the cubicle wall." "Just out of curiousity, what is the logic behind that bizarre policy?" "We want to maintain a smooth line-of-sight for aesthetic reasons." "Let me see if I understand your point of view." "My Einstein doll makes the cubicle so hideous that our stock will plunge" "Now if I take it down..." "Gasp! It's so beautiful now! My soul is filled with music! My life has meaning!" "Yea! I just noticed that when I look at this doll and you at the same time, you look hideous."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accounting depot, #travlke expeses, #copies of receipts, #need originals

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The Accounting Department "I can't process your travel expenses because you sent me copies of receipt. I need the originals." "I'm busy. Just fax them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #practical vehicle, #environement, #40 tons, #owls for fuel

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SALE The boss: "I'm looking for a practical vehicle that's also good for the environment." "I recommend the envirocrusher-4. It weights 40 tons and it uses owls for fuel." The Boss: "Where I would I get that many owls?" "The engine noise stuns them. You just them up off the ground."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stress hump, #goes away, #all in mind

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Could I have a few days off to see if my stress hump goes away? The boss: "Stress is all in your mind. I should fire you and your hump right now for even asking!" Dilbert: "Just because he said no?" new guy: "It was the way he said it."