Buying Company Comic Strips - Page 90

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

934 Results for Buying Company

View 891 - 900 results for buying company comic strips. Discover the best "Buying Company" comics from Dilbert.com.

Elbonian Slave Labor

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Slave Labor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, slave, wages, compensation, minimum wage, morality, business, money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Management was shocked to learn that the company we acquired had been using Elbonian slave labor. We immediately replaced them with minimum wage employees who have no hope of career advancement. Wally: You did the right thing. Boss: That's how it felt.

Dilbert Characters

Terrible Personality

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Terrible Personality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hiring, company culture, personality, engineers, psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Which one of the engineering candidates should I hire? Dilbert: Both are highly experienced, but one has a terrible personality. Boss: Sounds like a perfect fit. Dilbert: I told him to expect an offer.

Deducing Rank

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Deducing Rank - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hierarchy, rank, marketing, jargon, lingo, adspeak, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't know how to answer your question because I got here late and I haven't deduced your rank in the company. Woman: I'm the new director of Marketing, so you need to pretend my question makes sense. Dilbert: Give me a minute to get into that mindset. Woman: Take your time.

Tracking Employee Theft

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tracking Employee Theft - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags surveillance, data, information, spying, privacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Someone stole my purse out of my cubicle. Catbert: No problem. We have security video nearly everywhere and we can track every phone that has our internal company app on it. Carol: That is mildly disturbing. Catbert: Here's a live feed of the perp in the third stall of the men's restroom.

Finding Alice

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Finding Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags surveillance, data, spying, location, privacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Does anyone know where Alice is? Dilbert: Yes. The CIA, Google, Facebook, Apple, and Russian hackers know where she is. Boss: But we have no way to find her? Dilbert: Depends. Was she dumb enough to download our company app?

Dating A Coworker

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dating A Coworker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, relationships, office policy, rules, human resources, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Can I date a co-worker? Catbert: I doubt it. You're not attractive, funny, or rich. Dilbert: I mean, is it allowed under company rules? Catbert: We only have rules about things that might happen.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dogbert, unhealthy, exercise, mouse

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: All of your employees are fat and unhealthy. That's why you should replace your outdated cubicles with treadmill desks. My company makes a treadmill desk that requires no electricity. The Boss: What if the employees don't like it? Dogbert: They already hate everything about their jobs there's no real downside. The Boss: Good point. Dogbert: I know. I'll send you one of our demo units so you can test it out. The boss: I finally feel as if I'm getting somewhere.

Shred The Copies

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Shred The Copies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, Wally, copies, documents, coffee, shred

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Company policy says we must shred all proprietary documents. But make copies first. Dilbert: Should we shred the copies too? The Boss: Do I have to do all the thinking around here?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, google, data center, software, fix, agile

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I put together a plan for our data center project. The Boss: We don't need a plan we're an agile company. It's better to move fast and fix our mistakes as we go. Dilbert: You're thinking of software. Where the cost of mistakes is low, this is a construction project. The Boss: That data center will be full of software, will it not? Dilbert: Yes, but... The Boss: Don't be afraid of change. Dilbert: What if I rapidly make a plan and tell you I didn't? Is that agile enough for you? The Boss: I'll need to google that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Wally, the boss, bad, technology, day, phone, freezing, printer, working, network, warning, lights, christmas, tree, laptop, boot, coincidence, permission, lock, lead-line, box, hero

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I'm having a bad technology day. My phone keeps freezing, my printer isn't working, and our network is down. Wally: My car's warning lights look like a Christmas tree, and my laptop won't boot up. Maybe its all just coincidence but I don't think we can take that chance. May I have permission to lock myself in a lead-lined box to protect the rest of the company? The Boss: How will I know you're really in a lead-lined box? Wally: YOu'll know because your phone will be working fine. The Boss: My phone is still working that man is a hero.