Can't Do Job Comic Strips - Page 90

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Can't Do Job

View 891 - 900 results for can't do job comic strips. Discover the best "Can't Do Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Accepts Bribes

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Accepts Bribes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bribe, bribery, money, laziness, work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I started accepting bribes from co-workers to incent me to do my job. Dilbert: If it didn't work for your employer, why do they think it will work for them? Wally: Something about optimism. Dilbert: They didn't say why? Wally: All I know is that no one paid me to listen to them.

View more books now

Dilbert Recommends Firing Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Recommends Firing Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, cost, fired, layoff, suggestion

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need to cut our expenses. Dilbert: I recommend eliminating Ted's job. Ted: What??? I recommend eliminating Dilbert's job! Just because he said it first??? Boss: Let's not over-analyze it.

Tina Isn't An Engineer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Isn't An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineer, evaluation, value, catch-22, fired, termination, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The company makes me rank all of my employees. I put you last because you're not an engineer. I have to fire whoever is ranked lowest, and I can't afford to lose any engineers. Tina; What if I work harder, and do a great job? Boss: Then I'd fire you for not being a team player.

Nothing Else To Talk About

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Nothing Else To Talk About - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags personality, boring, bored, conversation, small talk, psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Do you want to know how we would have handled this situation at my old job? Dilbert: No. Dilbert: Nothing would interest me less. Man: My only other topics of conversation are my health problems and TV shows you haven't seen. Dilbert: I stand corrected.

Car Rental Typing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Car Rental Typing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags logic, efficiency, car rental, frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Car Rental. Man: I hope you don't have some sort of technology job. Dilbert: Why? Man: Because the user experience you are about to endure might make your head explode. Narrator: Twenty minutes later. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Why do you need to type so much?!!! Man: We got an engineer!

Acting Interested In Dilbert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Acting Interested In Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, relationships, human, humanity, productivity, motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm supposed to act interested in your well-being to boost your job performance. Dilbert: No thanks. Boss: So... how's your wife, or girlfriend, or same-sex partner, or loneliness? Dilbert: Fine. Boss: Okay, I think that covers it. Dilbert: Look! My productivity is soaring!

Ted Gets A New Phone

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Gets A New Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags punishment, reward, gift, samsung, explosion, battery

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Congratulations, Ted, your job performance has earned you a new mobile phone. Ted: Isn't this the model that has the exploding battery problem? Boss: Your job performance wasn't good either.

Cartoonist As Spokesperson

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cartoonist As Spokesperson - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags spokesperson, embarrassment, celebrity, promoter, product

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're looking for a celebrity spokesperson, but we don't have much budget for it. All we can afford is a cartoonist. Can you do the job for $75? Scott Adams: Deal! Boss: Have you ever done anything on social media that would embarrass us? Scott Adams: I thought that's what it's for.

Spreading Ted's Ashes

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Spreading Ted's Ashes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apathy, ashes, cremation, death, spreading, toilet, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Ted's widow asked us to spread his ashes around the office because he loved his job. Wally: I'll do it. Alice: You didn't like Ted. Wally: Was that a requirement? Alice: Don't let anyone see you flush it.

Coaching Alice

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Coaching Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coaching, mentor, boss, manager, Advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you want some coaching? Alice: Heck yes. If you find someone who knows my job better than I do, send them my way. Boss: Maybe I could share my wisdom with you. Alice: Can you teach me how to stay calm when some idiot interrupts me?