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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags unpaid overtime, death, deny pleasures, good night kiss, this thing, medical

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"You know what two things are very similar?" "Unpaid overtime and death. They both deny me the pleasures of being alive." "How about a good night kiss?" "Hey, you found a third thing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags overall startegy, never ask questiom, hear the answer

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How does my project fit into our company's overall strategy? "Beats me. I didn't even know we had a strategy." "Never ask a question if you don't want to hear the answer." "That's why I never say 'How are you?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags buy advertsising, gullible world, 2 billion readers, three readers

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Would you like to buy advertising in my new magazine called 'Gullible World'? "We have between one and two billion readers!" "Wow!" "I figured out how to make three readers sound like a lot."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gullible world magazine, engineering, before and after, picture, before picture pose, sexy

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"May I take your picture for a feature story in 'Gullible World' magazine?" "It's a story about how engineering makes you sexier." "Gosh, okay." "Perfect. Now all I need is someone to pose for the 'After' picture."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hired abusive, lying, control freak, difficult coworkers

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"I hired an abusive, lying, back-stabbing, control freak." "But don't worry, because I'm sending you to a class on how to deal with difficult coworkers." "Wouldn't it have been better to..." "I've heard bad things about that guy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags power point zone, real wolrd, bullet points, imaginary prodcutivity, eight lsides

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I am entering the PowerPoint zone. "I no longer feel the need to change the real world as long as I can change these bullet points." "How much imaginary productivity did you have today?" "Eight slides!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new guy, project staus report, random pharse, generatormmeail, listens, when he's talking

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"Alice, can you show the new guy how to do a project status report?" "He doesn't read them, so we all use a random phrase generator. I'll e-mail it to you." "You said that in front of him." "He only listens when he's talking."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags yellow sticky note road, wizard of landfill, coffee cup, caffeine

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"Will the yellow sticky-note road lead me home?" "Not directly." "We're off to see the Wonderful Wizard of Landfill. He'll know how to get you home." "Holy #!%$, I hope this isn't him." "Coffee...cup...need...caffeine..." Continued

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"We're off to see the Wizard of Landfill. He'll give you some ambition and he'll show me how to get home." "Can we go too? I need experience...And he needs a brain, heart, soul, and a strategic vision." "No I don't. You're fired!" "And a job...I need a job."

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"Oh great Wizard of Landfill, can you show me how to go home?...Also, my pals need experience and ambition." "You're here because you ran out of good ideas...Here are a few gems about the idiots who manage my company." "There's no place like my home office...There's no place like my home office..." "He was creepy."