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The Boss says, "I want to improve our reputation in the community by donating money to the needy." The Boss says, "Find me a photogenic hobo who could use a million dollars." Dilbert says, "I'm looking for a hobo who could use a million dollars." A man says, "Sorry, we're tramps."
A man says, "Alice, when will I get your cost estimates?" Alice says, "When will your one eyebrow turn into two?" The man says, "Is that the ghost of the guy who used to have your job? He makes you look bad because he was always helpful." Alice says, "If you're so helpful, tell me how to kill you." The ghost says, "Dang... try garlic and a shop-vac."
Dilbert's Mom says, "I seem to have left my purse at home. I won't be able to pay you." A fortune teller says, "I put the curse of competence on your firstborn son!" Dilbert's Mom says, "That doesn't sound so bad." Years Later A man says, "I need a little help." Dilbert says, "GAAA! Why always me?!"
A man says, "How can you say my trouble ticket is resolved when I still have the problem??!" Dogbert says, "Resolved is a catch-all term that can mean a shift change, escalation, or even an accidental disconnect." The man says, "So... you escalated it?" CLICK
The Boss says, "Our investors want to see the solar panels you invented." Dilbert says, "I didn't invent any solar panels." The Boss says, "Show them something else. They won't know the difference." A man says, "It looks like a ham sandwich." Dilbert says, "I was assured that you're stupid."
A man says, "We invested $100 million in your solar technology and all you developed was this ham sandwich." Dogbert says, "If you feed that ham sandwich to a rickshaw driver, he can pedal you all over town." The man says, "You call that solar power?" Dogbert says, "Try growing a pig without the sun."
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "I earn 420 times what you make. That means I'm 420 times smarter." A man says, "Actually, it means the system is deeply flawed." Dogbert says, "If you were 420 times smarter, you wouldn't be contradicting your boss right now."
Dogbert the Philanthropist Dogbert says, "If I give a man a fish, he will eat for one day." Dogbert says, "But if I inspire him by my opulent lifestyle and my squiring of supermodels, he might try harder." Dilbert says, "You can't stop giving." Dogbert says, "It's like a curse."