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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 1996's comic on:


Tags #direct flight, #aisle seat, #upgrade, #first class, #overhead bin, #north korea, #non smoking, #anti aircraft fire

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Dilbert sits at his desk and says into the telephone, "I'd like a direct flight . . . Aisle seat . . . And an upgrade to first class if possible." The airline ticket agent replies, "The best I can do is to put you in an overhead luggage bin . . . With one stop in North Korea." Dilbert asks, "Is it non-smoking?" The ticket salesperson replies, "That depends on how accurate the anti-aircraft fire is."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 1997's comic on:


Tags #million dollars, #ten thousand, #separate business cards, #value added support

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "You need a million dollars but I only have authority to sign for up to ten thousand." The Boss says, "Break it into a hundred separate business cases." Dilbert says, "Thank you for your value-added management support." The Boss replies, "It was nothing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 1997's comic on:


Tags #mail order bride, #elbonian, #exact date, #garage

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Wally and Dilbert sit at a table eating lunch. Wally says, "My Elbonian mail-order bride will arrive any day now." Dilbert asks, "Why don't you know the exact date?" Wally replies, "Because they're sending her by mail. I wasn't willing to pay for overnight delivery." Dilbert says, "She's one lucky gal." Wally says, "I'll probably keep her in the garage. It has a sink."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 1997's comic on:


Tags #shrink wrap license, #new software, #bill gates, #new mansion, #towel boy

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Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I didn't read all of the shrink-wrap license agreement on my new software until after I opened it." Beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's forehead and he pulls nervously at his tie. Dilbert continues, "Apparently I agreed to spend the rest of my life as a towel boy in Bill Gates' new mansion." Dogbert replies, "Call your lawyer." Dilbert says, "Too late. He opened the software yesterday. Now he's Bill Gates' laundry boy." Dogbert says, "It must be dangerous for lawyers to iron pants. They'd always have one hand in a pocket."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 1997's comic on:


Tags #business like christianity, #faithful and obidient, #obtain bliss, #afterlife, #reincarnation model, #higher level employment, #bio degrade, #become wd40, #dinosuar

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Bob the Dinosaur and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dogbert says, "Businesses used to be like Christianity; if you were faithful and obedient, you could obtain bliss in the afterlife of retirement." Dogbert continues, "Now it's more of a reincarnation model. If the worker learns enough in his current job, he can progress to a higher level of employment elsewhere." Dogbert continues, "These analogies aren't working for you, are they, Bob?" Bob replies, "My hope is that one day I will biodegrade and become 'WD-40' oil."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 1997's comic on:


Tags #intranet web page, #mother visit, #mpeg file, #video of birth, #html, #covered video, #fire wall, #nick name, #dilberts mother

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Dilbert's mother sits on the couch drinking tea and Dilbert sits on the chair across from her. Dilbert says, "I spent all week tweaking HTML for my Intranet Web page. You should see it, Mom." Dilbert continues, "I converted the video of my birth into an MPEG file. Anyone behind the fire wall can view it." Dilbert continues, "You should hear the nickname they have for you at work!" Dilbert's mother replies, "You should hear the one I have for you right now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 1997's comic on:


Tags #how big bonus, #work on project, #digits

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Alice tells Dilbert, "Today I'll find out how big my bonus will be." Alice continues, "After all the work I did on that project, I'm thinking four digits, maybe five." Later, Dilbert asks, "How many digits?" Alice replies, "I used one on each hand."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 1997's comic on:


Tags #raise didn't go, #secretary, #didn't do paperwork, #initite disciplinary actions, #disciplinary action forms

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Dilbert tells the Boss, "My raise didn't go through because your secretary didn't do the paperwork." Dilbert continues, "I demand that you initiate disciplinary actions against her!" The Boss says, "I'll try, but . . ." The Boss stands behind Carol's desk and asks, "Carol, could you get me one of those disciplinary action forms?" Carol replies, "Sure, right after my ski trip to hell."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 1997's comic on:


Tags #union job, #file or grievance, #moving ten feet, #johnny cash, #wait for union person

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Dilbert carries a monitor. A man says, "Hey, that's a union job. Put it down or I'll file a grievance." Dilbert says, "I'm only moving it ten feet. If I wait for a union person, I'll be unable to do my job for a week." The man says, "Watch me not care." Dilbert wears a hooded black suit and holds a grappling hook. Dogbert says, "If anyone sees you move the PC tonight, try saying you're Johnny Cash." Dilbert says, "Maybe I should just use the elevator."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 1997's comic on:


Tags #bold commando, #relocates pc, #thwarting union rules, #moving computer, #police catch dilbert, #jailtime

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Dilbert wears a black hooded suit and carries a PC. He thinks, "The bold commando stealthily relocates his PC at night, thus thwarting burdensome union rules." A security guard pulls a gun on Dilbert and says, "Freeze, miscreant." Dilbert stands in a jail cell with two large men. He thinks, "I hope this works." One of the convicts says, "You don't look like Johnny Cash to me."