Can't Do Job Comic Strips - Page 91
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Character
1000 Results for Can't Do Job
View 901 - 910 results for can't do job comic strips. Discover the best "Can't Do Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday March 08,
2018
Alice Mentors The New Guy
Friday March 09,
2018
Boss Loves Criticism
Tags mentor, mentee, protege, Advice, competition, deception
Transcript
Alice The Mentor. Alice: One thing I can tell you about our boss is that he loves constructive criticism. Man: I feel as if your advice is intended to make me fail because you see me as a threat to take your job. Alice: And he loves it when you grab him by the hair and yell, "handles!"
Sunday June 10,
2018
Tags competition, replacement, hiring, job description
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I need you to write up your job description for me. Wally: Is that because you're planning to hire someone to replace me? Boss: I need it by tomorrow. Wally: Job description: leverage platform technologies to maximize software architecture optimization via nanotubes. Here you go. Boss: Can you start on Monday? Man: I changed my mind.
Thursday June 21,
2018
Lying To Weasels
Tags sayings, Advice, honesty, truthfulness
Transcript
Dilbert: I keep speaking truth to power, but it isn't working for me. Wally: Try lying to weasels. It doesn't look as good on a bumper sticker but it gets the job done. Dilbert: That sounds like a terrible idea. Wally: Then why are you doing it right now?
Thursday June 28,
2018
Ted Cross Trains
Tags cross-training, fired, firing, unemployment
Transcript
Boss: Ted, I need you to train the new hire how to do your job. Ted: Are you firing me? Boss: No, no. Just standard cross-training. Ted: Okay, I was worried for a second there. Boss: And start tidying up your cubicle.
Tuesday July 03,
2018
Dilbert And Monkeys
Tags motivation, work ethic, engagement, monkeys
Transcript
Dilbert: I don't feel my job is helping me reach my human potential. Boss: We only pay you because monkeys are hard to train and robots are expensive. Dilbert; Maybe I'll just play with my phone and pretend to work. Boss: That's what got the monkey fired.
Monday July 30,
2018
Grant Application
Tags job, job description, responsibility, business
Transcript
Boss: I need you to write a government grant application for my wife's new business. Dilbert: That's not my job, and I don't know how to do it. Boss: Maybe you could learn it in your free time. Dilbert: I can see why your wife wants her own income.
Friday August 10,
2018
Ted Tries To Sabotage
Tags Dilbert, carol, ted, sabotage, project, insecure
Transcript
Carol: Ted is trying to sabotage my project because he is so insecure. Dilbert: Is it possible you're imagining all of that and he is just doing his job? Carol: I was hoping you'd be supportive. Dilbert: I like to be on the winning side.
Saturday August 11,
2018
Speaking Truth To Power
Tags ted, the boss, performance review, perform, power
Transcript
Performance Review The Boss: I've seen a lot of employees in my day, and you are definitely one of them. Ted: Are you saying generic things because you don't know what my job is or how well I performed? The boss: And... You speak truth to power. Ted: Please stop.
Thursday September 20,
2018
Hiring Paul The Criminal
Tags Dilbert, the boss, job, market, competitive, ex-cons, work, criminals, caught, paul, data center, copper, wire
Transcript
The Boss: The job market is so competitive that we can't even find ex-cons who want to work here. So we're hiring active criminals who haven't yet been caught. The Boss: Say hello to Paul. Paul: I hear our data center has a a lot of copper wire.