Can't Do Job Comic Strips - Page 91

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View 901 - 910 results for can't do job comic strips. Discover the best "Can't Do Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

Alice Mentors The New Guy

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Alice Mentors The New Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mentor, mentee, competition, threat, paranoia, protege

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Alice: our boss asked me to mentor you. But don't expect too much from me because I see you as a competitor for my job. Man: May I have a mentor who doesn't see me as a threat? Boss: Why? So you can take my job?

Dilbert Characters

Boss Loves Criticism

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Boss Loves Criticism - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mentor, mentee, protege, Advice, competition, deception

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Alice The Mentor. Alice: One thing I can tell you about our boss is that he loves constructive criticism. Man: I feel as if your advice is intended to make me fail because you see me as a threat to take your job. Alice: And he loves it when you grab him by the hair and yell, "handles!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competition, replacement, hiring, job description

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Boss: Wally, I need you to write up your job description for me. Wally: Is that because you're planning to hire someone to replace me? Boss: I need it by tomorrow. Wally: Job description: leverage platform technologies to maximize software architecture optimization via nanotubes. Here you go. Boss: Can you start on Monday? Man: I changed my mind.

Lying To Weasels

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Lying To Weasels - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sayings, Advice, honesty, truthfulness

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Dilbert: I keep speaking truth to power, but it isn't working for me. Wally: Try lying to weasels. It doesn't look as good on a bumper sticker but it gets the job done. Dilbert: That sounds like a terrible idea. Wally: Then why are you doing it right now?

Ted Cross Trains

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Ted Cross Trains - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cross-training, fired, firing, unemployment

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Boss: Ted, I need you to train the new hire how to do your job. Ted: Are you firing me? Boss: No, no. Just standard cross-training. Ted: Okay, I was worried for a second there. Boss: And start tidying up your cubicle.

Dilbert And Monkeys

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Dilbert And Monkeys - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags motivation, work ethic, engagement, monkeys

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Dilbert: I don't feel my job is helping me reach my human potential. Boss: We only pay you because monkeys are hard to train and robots are expensive. Dilbert; Maybe I'll just play with my phone and pretend to work. Boss: That's what got the monkey fired.

Grant Application

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Grant Application - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags job, job description, responsibility, business

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Boss: I need you to write a government grant application for my wife's new business. Dilbert: That's not my job, and I don't know how to do it. Boss: Maybe you could learn it in your free time. Dilbert: I can see why your wife wants her own income.

Ted Tries To Sabotage

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Ted Tries To Sabotage - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, carol, ted, sabotage, project, insecure

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Carol: Ted is trying to sabotage my project because he is so insecure. Dilbert: Is it possible you're imagining all of that and he is just doing his job? Carol: I was hoping you'd be supportive. Dilbert: I like to be on the winning side.

Speaking Truth To Power

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Speaking Truth To Power - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ted, the boss, performance review, perform, power

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Performance Review The Boss: I've seen a lot of employees in my day, and you are definitely one of them. Ted: Are you saying generic things because you don't know what my job is or how well I performed? The boss: And... You speak truth to power. Ted: Please stop.

Hiring Paul The Criminal

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Hiring Paul The Criminal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, job, market, competitive, ex-cons, work, criminals, caught, paul, data center, copper, wire

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The Boss: The job market is so competitive that we can't even find ex-cons who want to work here. So we're hiring active criminals who haven't yet been caught. The Boss: Say hello to Paul. Paul: I hear our data center has a a lot of copper wire.