Most Diabolical Work Comic Strips - Page 91

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #charging time, #projects, #no work, #wind, #existence of your wind, #farting around

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"Wally, you've been charging your time to several projects, but no one has ever seen you work." "You can't see the wind, either, but surely you don't doubt that it exists." "I've also gotten complaints about the existence of your wind." "I rest my case."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee of the month, #award, #don't know my job, #never listen, #boss

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"The employee of the month is Tina, for all of the um...various work that she does." "You have stripped this award of its meaning by showing that you don't even know what my job is." "It's as if you've never listened to anything I've ever said." "You're welcome!"

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Welcome to Dogbert's Retirement Planning Seminar. "Don't tell anyone that you retired. Just keep coming to work and collecting money for the weekly lottery pool. Then spend it on food." "I want my dollar back."

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Did you ever come to work on Monday and realize that you forgot how to do your job? "Only a total moron would forget over the weekend how to do his job." "O-o-okay. I'm starting to remember who you two are."

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You're too cute to work in engineering. I'm transferring you to sales. "No one wants to hurt a baby. Use that to your advantage." "And if you buy the deluxe package I won't be emotionally scarred for life."

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"Hey, Dilbert, would you mind stopping by my house after work and seeing if you can fix my computer?" "Sure. And while I do that you can be at my house cleaning the grout in my shower." "That's crazy talk." "Hey, I'm not the one who majored in comparative literature."

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Our CEO appreciates pushback. "The last thing he wants is a bunch of yes men." "Don't be afraid to stand your ground. He respects that." "My plan is to form business units around each product line." PLAN "Excuse me. We tried that once and it didn't work." "You're fired. Leave now." "Cruelty or convenience?" "I needed a cubicle to store my extra binders."

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I'd better put some lipstick on this pig. "Behold the most exciting technical challenge since the dawn of the microprocessor!" "I must rub it on my body before I assign it to you...Oooh oooh!" "I'll need tongs."

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"Welcome to Dogbert's seminar on work-life balance." "First, review this list of your priorities." Family Job Exercise Vacation Must-Dos Medical Eating Hygiene Sleep Romance Holidays "You have time for three things. Work and holidays are two. You get to pick the third."

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Dogbert's Seminar on Work-Life Balance "This is Allen. He didn't balance his work and personal lives." "Allen did nothing but work, work, work. And now look at him." "I'm the one who tried to balance everything. That's Allen. He's a @#!$% CEO now!"