Most Evil Way Comic Strips - Page 91

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View 901 - 910 results for most evil way comic strips. Discover the best "Most Evil Way" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #money, #raise, #higher pay, #income higher, #boss salary, #intuition, #business

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Boss: I can't give you the raise you deserve because it would make your pay higher than mine. Alice: I don't see how that's a problem. Boss: Let me explain it to you this way, Alice. If you make more money than I do your compensation would be greater than mine. Alice: That's not a reason, you ignorant baboon! Boss: Okay, how about... I must be smarter than you because my income is higher. Alice: Gaaa!!! Boss: When I don't have reasons for things, is that called intuition or just common sense?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gadgets, #mobile (cell) phones, #time travel, #rumour, #apple phone, #20 pixel camera, #picture of thoughts, #time machine, #future, #most handsome man, #android phone

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Dilbert: I heard a rumor that Apple's next phone will have a 20-megapixel camera. Topper: That's nothing! I heard you'll be able to hold the phone to your head and take a picture of your thoughts. And even that's nothing. Their next phone will be a time machine! Future Topper: Here I am from the future! I'm the most handsome man in the universe! Topper: So am I! Wally: He makes a good case for buying an Android phone. Both Toppers: I love me more than me. Topper hijack

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #celebrities, #wealth, #money manager, #dumb celebrities, #pay close attention, #money invested, #protect money, #money

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Dogbert: I've decided to become a money manager for dumb celebrities. Celebrities don't pay close attention to where their money is invested, or who is stealing it. Dilbert: So you plan to help them protect their money? Dogbert: That would be one way to play it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #emergency, #lostphone, #company id, #keys, #critical folder, #self generated crisi, #dead battery, #small brown purse

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Coworker: Emergency! I can't find my phone and I"m late for a customer meeting. Dilbert: Maybe it's with your company I.D. badge that you had to drive all the way home for this morning. Alice: It might be with your keys that you lost after lunch. Dilbert: Maybe it's under that critical folder that you couldn't find before your last meeting. Alice: Maybe it's wherever you created your last self-generated crisis. Coworker: I just remembered I put my phone in my purse because the battery is dead. Has anyone seen a small, brown purse?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #suspicion, #decisons, #office, #options, #blame later, #evil, #record on phone. boss, #work

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Dilbert: I need a decision of this by end of business today. Boss: Which option do you recommend? Dilbert: Nice try, but I'm not falling for it. You're trying to set me up to take the blame later. I want to hear you make a decision, and I'm going to record it on my phone so you don't later deny it. Talk, you evil monster! Talk! All I know for sure is that the other approach wasn't going to work either.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boredom, #secretaries (office), #mindless and repetetive, #task, #spur creativity, #creative person, #dispose of body, #snide, #snarky

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Boss: Experts say that doing mindless and repetitive tasks is a good way to spur creativity. That means you must be the most creative person in the office. Did you come up with any ideas? Carol: Yup. So far, I've come up with over seven hundred ways to dispose of your body.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #obstinacy, #test data, #email, #meaningless speech, #talk

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Dilbert: Can you email the test data to me? Coworker: We don't do it that way. Dilbert: That's not a reason. Coworker: I never give reasons. Dilbert: Nothing you say means anything! Coworker: That's how we've always done it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #not helpful, #brush of unhelpfulness, #srigma, #issues, #monster

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Boss: Brian tells me you're not being helpful. Asok: Gaaa!!! You have been painted by the brush of unhelpfulness. There is no way to remove the stigma of this accusation. Wally: Watch and learn. Brian has... um... issues. Boss: Issues? What issues? Mental? Emotional? Substance abuse? Wally: I've said too much. It's not my place. Boss: He's a monster! Asok: You make it look easy!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #weapons, #constructive criticsim, #humble intern, #eye lasers, #stings, #surprise, #ceo, #evil

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Asok: Would you accept some constructive criticism from a humble intern? CEO: Activating eye lasers! Asok: It stings for a few minutes, and then you surprise yourself with what you can get used to.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office buildings, #cubicle workplace, #open floor plan, #research, #pattern, #randomize evil, #science

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Boss: We're thinking of moving from a cubicle workplace to an open floor plan. Dilbert: Is that because you did some research that discovered that the open floor plan is the only thing worse than what we have now? Boss: They figured out the pattern. Catbert: I told you we should randomize our evil!