Take The Job Comic Strips - Page 91

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Take The Job

View 901 - 910 results for take the job comic strips. Discover the best "Take The Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interview, #hiring, #policy, #cruelty

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss says, "You're hired, but company policy requires me to post the job opening internally before it's official." Man says, "Are you saying your company policy requires you to lie to employees and give them false hope?" The boss says, "Exactly." Man says,. "That's cruel." The boss says, "In six months you'll wish you had some false hope too."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stupidity, #ignorant, #cruel, #clueless, #angry, #yelling

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "I hired a temp to cover your job while you're on vacation." The boss says, "She's far more qualified than you, and her stated goal is to replace you but don't worry." Carol says, "How am I supposed to not worry about that?" The Boss says, "yoga?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #temp, #talking, #bragging, #rude, #mean

View Transcript

Transcript

Overqualified temp Overqualified temp says, "My last job was ambassador to Brunei. Before that I was undersecretary of commerce." The boss says, "Maybe the other admins can watch how you make copies and learn something." The boss thinks, "She's a talker."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #flirting, #yelling, #scared, #confused, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I have an actual job and I don't live at home." Dilbert says, "My offspring would probably be smart." Woman says, "My palms are getting sweaty and my heart is pounding. What is going on?" Dilbert says, "It's a Darwinian thing." Woman says, "Make it stop!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #investing, #con, #violence, #lying

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "I'm thinking of investing in the Dogbert hedge fund." Man says, "Can you explain how it works?" Dogbert says, "It's simple I take your money and then use math to turn it into my money while destroying the overall economy." Man says, "Is that legal?" Dogbert says, "More so than you'd think." Man says, "What's in it for me?" Dogbert says, "My inflated claims will give you false hope." Dogbert says, "That way you won't stress out until after you retire and discover you're penniless." Man says, "But I..." Bonk! Ugh! Man says, "I don't remember the last five minutes." Dogbert says, "I was telling you that my hedge fund will earn you 520% per year."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presentation, #theory, #ridiculous, #avoiding, #economy

View Transcript

Transcript

Company Economist Man says, "The economy will either recover ot not." Man says, "Unless time itself is an illusion, in which case all matter is either stationary or imagined." Man says, "I'd take questions, but I'm not entirely sure you're real."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #crying, #afraid, #nervous, #breakdown, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Job tension is running high Asok says, "I?I?forgot to total the cost estimates." Asok says, "Gaaaa!!!! You're going to fire me! I'm the next casualty of the frail economy!!!" The boss says, "Maybe we could finish this by e-mail." Asok says, "Must improve street-mime skills!!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #crime, #asking, #confused, #ridicule, #worthless, #drinking, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "I've decided to dabble in crime. I nees some henchmen. Are you in?" Asok says, "What does a henchman do?" Wally says, "A henchman's job is to be gunned down in reverse order to his importance." Asok says, "How important am I?" Wally says, "I wouldn't pack lunch for orientation day."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new employee, #bragging, #education, #ridiculous, #doubting, #annoyed

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "I have an MBA from a top business school." Man says, "I'm a management expert because I read case studies about businesses that were in completely different situations." Man says, "Wait a minute. Why does that suddenly seem ridiculous?" Dilbert says, "Will this take much longer?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project, #budget, #deadline, #resources, #ridiculous

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I'll never be able to finish my project on time." The Boss says, "You need to take ownership." Dilbert says, "Can I hire more programmers?" The Boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "Can I reduce the number of features?" The Boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "So...I'm just taking ownership of the failure?" The Boss says, "Don't be greedy."