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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #loans, #funding, #scam artist, #dogbert on tv, #people believe

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Dilbert is at home watching television. Dogbert's infomercial is on tv. Dogbert sits at a desk and says, "Would you like to make $1,000 per month for a whole year?" Dogbert says, "Send $13,000 for complete information about Dogbert no-load funds." An individual is furiously writing the information down as Dobert says, "I'll include my free pamphlet explaining how to lose weight by eating less food." The guy thinks, "Show the number."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quit, #work from home, #human contact, #testing email, #miss humans

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Dilbert walks into the conference room for a staff meeting. He thinks, "Maybe I should quit and work for myself from home." Dilbert sits down at the table and thinks, "I would miss all the human contact." Dilbert thinks, "Same as now." The Boss walks in and says, "I'm testing my e-mail. Did you get the 'e' I sent?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deputy of common sense, #safety inspector, #after insepction, #determine pay, #decrease in accidents, #trips wally

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Dogbert, Deputy of Common Sense, stands a filing cabnet and says, "Are you the government safety inspector?" The inspector says, "Yup. I love my job." Dogbert watches as the inspector trips Wally and notes something on his clipboard. Wally's glasses fall off and he says, "HEY!" Dogbert puts his hand on his gun and says, "How does your boss determine your pay?" The inspector writes something down and says, "It's based on the decrease in accidents after my inspection."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #huge risk, #entrepreneur, #denail, #archival, #ceo, #humane, #bonuses

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In the company cafeteria, Dilbert and Wally are eating lunch. Dilbert says, "I'd quit and become and entrepreneur, but I don't know how they handle such huge risks." Wally, his mouth full of food, says, "Denial, probably." Alice walks up with her lunch tray and says, "We got bought by our archrival this morning." Alice sits down and says, "Their CEO says he plans to be as 'humane' as possible." Dilbert says, "He sounds nice." Wally says, 'Maybe we'll get bonuses!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #less technical terms, #ceo, #vp, #other technologies

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The Boss is critiquing something Dilbert wrote. he says, "You'll have to write this in less technical terms for me.." The Boss hands the repport back to Dilbert and says, "Make it even less technical for my boss... even less for our VP.. even less for our EVP.. much less for our CEO." Dilbert is giving a presentation and points to the overhead projection. "...And compared to other technologies, there's a big difference in the mouth area." The image is a simple frowning "smiley" face.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #signed ted card, #stamp, #congratualations, #death, #Family, #medical

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Dilbert holds a greeting card and says, "Let's see... it looks like you haven't signed Ted's card yet." Alice is sitting at her computer and glares. Alice slams a rubber stamp down on the card. Dilbert looks at the card and says, "Do you think 'congratulations' is appropriate for a death in his family?" Alice says, "You never know."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nobel prize commitee, #theories, #understand, #science, #simpilist soultrion, #heories, #vote ourselves

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Nobel Prize Committee: The three guys with Albert Einstein hair look at a stack of papers and say, "Okay, we've narrowed it down to the theories we don't understand." One guy says, "In science, the simplest solution is usually the best. Which of these theories is the simplest solution?" The second guy says, "Well... that would be whatever is on top of the pile." The third guy says, "Are you SURE we can't vote for ourselves?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #line of probablity, #illusion of gravity, #consciousness

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The garbage man sits on the ground talking to Ratbert. He syas, "...As your consciousness passes through each universe, you tend to follow a line of probability." Ratbert writes this down in a spiral notebook. He says, "Got it." The garbage man says, "And since it's more probable that matter is near other matter, you have the illusion of gravity as your consciousness moves toward the norm." He waves his arm in the air to demonstrate. The garbage man says, "Did you get all that, Ratbert?" Ratbert says, "Hey, I'm not stupid. Does this Norm guy have a last name?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #military secrets, #north elconia, #signed agreements

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Dilbert sits down with a couple of Elbonians. The first one says, "Don't worry that we'll take any military technology secrets back to North Elbonia." The second guy says, "We signed these little agreements that say we won't." He waves a non-disclosure contract in Dilbert face. Dilbert frowns. The Elbonians laugh and give each other a high-five. Dilbert says, "Moving on..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company lawyer, #secret military project, #north elbonians, #communits, #guilty of treason, #executed, #pull a lever

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Dilbert sits down with the lawyer and says, "I'm working ona top secret military project. My boss hired some North Elbonians to help me." Dilbert says, "They're communists. If I give them any information, I could be guilty of treason. I could be executed." Dilbert asks, "Can you help?" The lawyer says, "Sure. What would I have to do - pull a lever?"