Don't Know Bugs Comic Strips - Page 91
1000 Results for Don't Know Bugs
View 901 - 910 results for don't know bugs comic strips. Discover the best "Don't Know Bugs" comics from Dilbert.com.
Boss: Persistence is the key to success. The other key to success is knowing when to quit. Dilbert: Your advice is contradictory nonsense. Boss: Because flexibility is the key to success.
CEO Investor Call CEO: Our margins are so low that we gave up trying to make money that way. Now we make all of our money selling extended warranties to idiots who will forget they bought them. Woot-woot! Guess what the margin on that is! Ha ha! Dilbert: It's okay. We don't let him connect to the outside.
Dilbert: I'm waring my anti-co-worker suit to work today. It has noise-canceling headphones, blinders, and padding so I can't feel taps on my shoulder. Headphones: Mr. Watson-- don't come here-- I don't need you. Dilbert: Heh heh.
Ted: Guess who made it onto the generic ninety-day improvement plan. I don't think of it as an individual honor. I think of it as doing a valuable service for the team. Dilbert: Should we thank him? Wally: Are we polite now?
Boss: Execution is a game of inches! You miss 100% of the shots you don't take! Innovation is everyone's full-time job! Be the dog, not the tail! Excellence is the only market that isn't crowded! Why don't any of you look inspired by my leadership? Wally: I died on the inside years ago. Now I'm just a fleshy container full of coffee and resentment. This guy was born without a soul. The she-devil at the end is the chemical formula for hatred. Catbert: Did you get through to them? Boss: I drilled until I hit bile.
Boss: Ted, I'm putting you on a ninety-day performance improvement play. Ted: Yes!!! I've always dreamed of making it onto the performance improvement plan! Boss: It's not as good as it sounds. Ted: With all due respect, you don't know how low my ambitions are.
Catbert: The first question on the employee survey is... Do you feel you are valued and treated with respect and dignity? Dilbert: Well, let me put it this way... you know how sometimes you step in something gross and then you have to wipe it off your shoe with a paper towel? Catbert: So... you feel like the paper towel? Dilbert: No, the paper towel has a purpose. Catbert: So... you feel like the gross stuff on the shoe? Dilbert: No, the gross stuff gets to leave. I feel like a shoe that has gross stuff on the bottom and a sweaty foot shoved all the way to the end of its sole. Catbert: I'll leave this one blank. Dilbert: Because my opinions don't matter?
Boss: Studies show that it takes 10,000 hours of focused practice to become an expert at anything. According to your resume, you've only had enough database experience to be an incompetent menace. Interviewee: How many hours have you practiced doing interviews? Boss: I don't like where this is headed.