New Boss Comic Strips - Page 91

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for New Boss

View 901 - 910 results for new boss comic strips. Discover the best "New Boss" comics from Dilbert.com.

Robots In Management

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robots In Management - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #loopholes, #robot, #automation, #murder, #killing, #productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our experiment with robots in management has been a success. Productivity is way up since they started killing the low-performing humans. CEO: But... that's murder. Boss: Only when humans do it. We found a loophole.

Robot Will Crush Employees

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Will Crush Employees  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #boss, #manager, #threat, #artificial intelligence, #control, #power

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: Thanks to advances in artificial intelligence, I am both a robot and your new boss. Work hard while I do nothing or I will crush each of your skulls with my mechanical arms. Dilbert: He's tough, but he's fair. Wally: And no micromanaging. I find it refreshing.

Robot Is Too Smart

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Is Too Smart - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #automation, #power, #managers, #intelligence, #ai, #artificial intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our new robot is too smart. It keeps threatening humans into doing its job while it does nothing but drink coffee. CEO: Isn't that all you do? Boss: I don't like where this is heading.

A Wally Robot

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
A Wally Robot  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #modernity, #technology, #automation, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Do you worry that a robot will someday take your job? Wally: Nah. No one will build a robot that does nothing but drink coffee. Man: It does nothing but drink coffee. It can replace twenty percent of your workforce. Boss: I like it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer service, #loyalty program, #survey, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Would you like to sign up for our customer loyalty program? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Man: If you don't we'll overcharge you on your purchases. But if you sign up, we will add a new level of complexity to your life that will make you hate us. Dilbert: I'll stick with the customer disloyalty program. Just overcharge me and I'll never come back. Man: You can get ten percent off your purchase today if you fill out an online customer survey and enter our store code. Dilbert: Please just overcharge me and let me leave! Man: I almost hesitate to ask which extended warranty option you want.

Soul Killing Tasks

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Soul Killing Tasks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work, #pleasure, #toil, #fulfillment, #engagement

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Hey, I have a great idea. Maybe I could work on interesting projects instead of the soul-killing tasks you always assign to me. Boss: Why would I pay you for enjoying yourself? Dilbert: I was not prepared for that question.

View From Thirty Thousand Feet

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
View From Thirty Thousand Feet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #distance, #jargon, #managers, #leadership, #buzzwords, #guidance

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What's the view on this from thirty thousand feet? Alice: From that distance, everything we do is meaningless. Boss: Then how do we know what to do? Alice: I guess we ruled out "leadership."

Blamecatcher

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Blamecatcher - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #scapegoat, #failure, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm assigning you to a project that is co-managed by vice presidents who hate each other. Dilbert; Why do they want me to work on a project that is clearly doomed? Boss: They said something about a "blamecatcher."

Pat Yourself On The Head

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Pat Yourself On The Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reward, #prizes, #reimbursement, #expense report

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm naming you employee of the month. Your prize is twenty dollars cash and a pat on the head. Give yourself twenty dollars and submit an employee reimbursement request. Dilbert: Can I pat myself on the head, too? Boss: I was hoping you would offer.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses, #motivation, #projects

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to add a feature to the software. Wally: That would be outside the scope of the project. Boss: Yes, but I'm your boss and I'm telling you to do it. Wally: You also told me to only do the things that are documented on the project specs. Boss: Okay, just change the documentation and then do it. Wally: If I do that, the project will be late and over budget. Boss: How many excuses do you have for not doing work? Wally: I'm just getting started. This feature will never work with the others.