Hiring Smart People Comic Strips - Page 91

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anti depressant, #bad mood, #pepper spray, #gaaa

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I invented an external anti-depressant. "When I'm in a bad mood I just apply it to other people." Pshht "It used to be called pepper spray." "GAAA!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #best marketing expert, #resume, #nobel prize, #five olympic medals, #marketing biathlon

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"We need to hire the best marketing expert we can find." "Your resume says you've won the Nobel Prize in marketing, and five Olympic gold medals in the marketing biathlon." "What's a marketing biathlon?" "You ski up to people who won't buy your crap and you shoot them."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #drunken lemur, #written by, #project plan, #other drunken lemurs, #lemur analogies

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I need your honest opinion about my project plan. Don't hold back. "Your plan looks like it was written by a drunken lemur as a practical joke on other drunken lemurs." "Today I learned that people don't like drunken lemur analogies."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I plan to build my own country on the ocean using barges." "I shall rule with an iron paw, punishing citizens for no reason other than my own entertainment. Buwhaha!!!" "I'm hoping people will put up with it because their homes are near the ocean."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new vice president, #billon dollars, #garbage barge, #oceanfront realestate, #open business, #barge

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"I worked all year on a project that got canceled today because we got a new vice president who didn't like it." "I made a billion dollars by convincing suckers that a garbage barge was oceanfront real estate." "Would you lend me some money so I can open my own business." "No, but I know some people on a barge who would."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Alice, our budget is tight so I've been asked to reward you with non-monetary compensation." "Do you know Ken in marketing? You can punch him as hard as you want." "Does Ken know about this?" "People love surprises."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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click click click click click click "I don't believe in using Blackberries. I prefer the old ways." "The only effective way to communicate is person to person." click click click click click click click "What's he babbling about?" click click click "Something about being old." click click "I'm a people person!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"You need to work this weekend." "There's no work to do. I'm waiting for input." "That doesn't matter. Strong leaders make their people work on weekends." "Then he asked me what the clueless leaders do, as if I would know that."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Welcome to the monthly meeting of insane chicks." "Our speaker today is Betty, and her topic is 'All the people who are intentionally hurting us.'" "The breakout session is titled 'How to turn your imaginary problems into real ones.'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Alice, I've received some complaints that you have been bonking the heads of marketing people on tables." "Where else should I bonk their heads? Tables are the best places!!!" "I don't think I'm getting through." "The chair is way too soft!"