How Now Comic Strips - Page 91

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 1996's comic on:


Tags #company, #compensate, #healing begin, #insane, #working smarter, #woefully understaffed, #not working harder, #business

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Dilbert and Wally walk down the hall together. Wally says, "This company makes perfect sense, now that I'm insane." Wally continues, "For example, it might seem as though we're woefully understaffed, but I can compensate by working smarter not harder." Wally walks into Dilbert's cubicle in his underwear with a box on his head and a monitor strapped to his chest. Wally says, "Hey, if I'm capable of working smarter, then why do I work HERE?" Dilbert thinks, "The healing has begun."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 1996's comic on:


Tags #idiot fell, #twelve hours, #chair safety training, #do, #not do

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The Boss says to Wally and Alice, "Some idiot stood on a chair and fell off." The Boss continues, "Now we all have to take twelve hours of chair safety training." Wally and Alice wince. During training Alice, Wally and the Boss watch a man standing on his head and spinning on a chair. The Boss whispers, "Is that a 'do' or a 'not do?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new objectoves, #achievable, #objectives approved, #measurable

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Alice hands the Boss a document and says, "Here's a draft of my new objectives. I tried to make them achievable." The Boss reads, "No matter how stupid my co-workers are, I will not punch a hole in anyone's torso, rip out a vital organ and keep it in my cubicle as a warning to others." Outside the Boss's office, Wally says to Dilbert, "I hope she gets those objectives approved." Inside the office, Alice yells, "Yes! It's measurable!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 1996's comic on:


Tags #angels dance in head, #fault, #huge number, #jeopardizing, #prototype, #quality assurance, #schedule, #tree falls forest

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The Boss says to Ratbert, "In the short time you've worked in quality assurance, you've found a huge number of flaws in our prototype." Ratbert replies, "That's my job!" The Boss continues, "You're jeopardizing our schedule. The entire project will fail and it's all YOUR fault." Ratbert asks, "Why is it MY fault?" The Boss replies, "If a tree falls in the forest . . . And we've already sold the tree . . . Does it have quality?" Ratbert asks, "How many angels can dance on your head?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 11, 1996's comic on:


Tags #quality initiative, #decour, #productive hours, #lower morale, #profitability, #contest, #qualicide

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Alice and Wally, "I'm assigning each of you to a separate 'quality' initiative." Wally asks, "Is there any risk this will devour our productive hours, lower our morale and have no impact on our profitability?" The Boss says, "And we'll have a contest to come up with a name for the overall initiative." Wally asks, "How about 'Qualicide?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 1996's comic on:


Tags #ranking, #rating system, #salary depnds, #bpss, #defends, #managers, #ring a bell

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The Boss's secretary tells Dilbert, "He's with the other managers in an employee ranking and rating session." The secretary continues, "Your salary depends on how well your boss can defend your proposed raise to the other managers." Dilbert covers his eyes and sobs. A man says to the Boss, "I'm fairly sure this Dilbert guy works for you." The Boss replies, "Doesn't ring a bell."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 1996's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #mandatory blood test, #take drugs, #stealing time, #test, #general health

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Catbert peers over the wall and says, "Wally, it's time for your mandatory blood test." Wally says, "I don't take drugs." Catbert, who is holding a syringe, replies, "I'm testing to see if you're stealing time from the company." Wally asks, "Time? How can you test for that?" Catbert replies, "We test your general health. If it's good, you're not working enough hours. You thief."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 1996's comic on:


Tags #various problems, #complied problems, #requirements, #thoughtful broken

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Dilbert and Liz hold hands. Dilbert says, "In the year that we've dated, Liz, you've often mentioned various problems in your life." Dilbert continues, "I've compiled those problems into a list of requirements and developed a comprehensive set of solutions." Liz reads the list and says angrily, "How thoughtful. I didn't even know I was broken." Dilbert says, "No, no, not broken . . . Just a bit buggy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 1996's comic on:


Tags #job security, #past, #vanished, #blunders of management, #motivation, #fluttered away

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "Now that job security is a thing of the past, I've noticed that my company loyalty has vanished, too." Dilbert continues, "And when you made my bonus primarily dependent on the blunders of senior management, my motivation fluttered away like a lonely sparrow." The Boss asks, "So your point is?" Dilbert says, "No point. I just didn't have any reason to be working."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 1996's comic on:


Tags #ignorant rat, #ignorance, #bliss

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Dilbert sits at his desk and Ratbert sits on the back of his chair. Ratbert says, "I may be an ignorant rat, but that's okay because ignorance is . . . Um . . . Um . . ." Dilbert says, "BLISS . . . Ignorance is BLISS." Ratbert says, "Oh, great. Now it's gone." Dilbert says, "Oops."