One Billion Comic Strips - Page 92

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View 911 - 920 results for one billion comic strips. Discover the best "One Billion" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2005's comic on:


Tags #bob, #Dilbert, #blackberry phone, #dinosuar, #ate phone

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Dilbert: "Bob, I bought you a Blackberry so I can send you e-mail day or night." Bob: "Thank you! I always wanted one of these!" "De-e-licious."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2005's comic on:


Tags #deadline, #upcoming, #annual performance review, #finish on time, #agree to disagree, #no raise, #excuses, #disrespect for workers, #annual review, #not paying, #not fare wages

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"Your project deadline is next month, and I can't imagine you finishing on time." "So I dinged you on your annual performance review." "But... I will finish on time." "Well, let's agree to disagree."<r>"What?!" "You're basing my raise on what you IMAGINE I won't do in the furture!" "Relax. If you do finish the project on time, I'll factor it into your next annual review." "Well... Okay. I guess it all averages out." One Year Later "Remember the project that I finished last year?" "No. But the new one looks like it will be late."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2005's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #human resources, #assistant manager, #simialr, #slightly worse, #wouldn't be threat, #data base, #both hideous, #criminally insane, #hate cats, #business

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I need to hire an assistant manager." "I want someone similar to me, but slightly worse in every way." "Worse than you??" "Yes, but only slightly." "The ideal candidate wouldn't be a threat to replace me." "I'll check my database of applicants who are both hideous and criminally insane." "I said slightly worse." "Exactly. I found one." "I can pretend to read in five languages." "I hate cats."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2005's comic on:


Tags #fist of death, #alice implicated, #beat up men, #high crime, #area, #office, #picture, #pyramid shaped hair

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Senior management has decided to move our office out of this high-crime area. "Because every one of them was beaten up in front og the building by a guy with pyramid-shaped hair.'<Br>"Police released this sketch. The guy likes to yell something about a "fist of death.""

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 2005's comic on:


Tags #conference call, #success, #set up, #15 people, #forgot to call in, #mute buttons, #spinning story

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Asok: The conference call was a huge sucess. "Three out of 15 people were available and only one of them forgot to call in." The boss: "So it was a phone call between two people?" Asok: "It would have been if they hadn't used the mute buttons."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2005's comic on:


Tags #improvement process, #smartsize, #one resource, #figure of speech

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The boss: "Ted, I don't know how to say this." "We need to lean up the process improvement process so I have to smartsize one resource." Ted: "Wow. Usually it's just a figure of speech when people say, "I don't know how to say this.""

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 2005's comic on:


Tags #hating software, #integration project, #hate it, #simply mentioned, #pros and cons, #balanced anaysis, #hatred

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The Boss: What's this I hear about you hating the software integration project? Dilbert: "I don't hate it. I simply mentioned both the pros and cons. People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like hatred." The Boss: "How can you hate it so much???!!" Dilbert: "This is one of those days when it's hard to be me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2005's comic on:


Tags #emotionally unstable coworkers, #prescribe meds, #wrong choice, #defects

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Dogbert: All of your problems are caused by emotionally unstable coworkers. "Try prescribing meds from the internet to fix their defects." Dilbert: Okay. That one was the wrong choice. Let's try something else." The Boss: "GRRRR!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2005's comic on:


Tags #nickname, #the wizard, #my guru, #the lizard, #small brain, #ambition, #catches quicker

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Wally: "From now on, my nickname ill be "the wizard." It wpeaks to my guru status." Alice: "I think I'll call you "the lizard." IT speaks to your small brain and lack of ambition." wally: "Please don't." Alice: "Let's see which one catches on quicker."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2005's comic on:


Tags #design one microchip, #dozens of meetings, #manager

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The boss: "All you did this quarter is design one microship." "In comparison, I found the time to attend dozens of meetings." "Now do you see what it takes to be a manager?" "Sadly, yes."