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"By now, you've noticed that your jobs are hideous nightmares of frustration and underpayment." "But what you don't know is that every other company is exactly the same." "Reduce employee turnover...Check."

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"Wally, we've been monitoring your Internet usage." "You've been running a side business on eBay, selling our office supplies." "Well, I guess empowerment turned out to be a bunch of blah, blah, blah."

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"Alice, we're doing some construction and I have to move you to a slightly larger cubicle." "Muwhahaha! I will use the power of my slightly larger cubicle to rule my coworkers with an iron fist!" "Get out of my way, you worthless microcuber!!"

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"If I buy this, how can I be sure you won't come out with a newer version next week?" "I give you my word as a job-hopping commission junky with a gambling problem." "And even if we did have a newer version, it sure wouldn't fix any of the problems that this one has."

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The enemy was less than fifty feet away and my only hope was to call for an air strike. "That reminds me of the time I ran out of staples and had to use glue." "And then a sniper spotted me." "My glue was bad."

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You're in charge of installing the system that Lyin' John sold to our biggest customer. "Lyin' John neglected to include the network and server in his sale. This is a financial sinkhole." "You take the joy out of delegating."

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"Welcome to Dogbert's school of management." "In today's lesson you will learn how to get your employees to do the impossible." "I have issued to each of you one large rock for practice." "Throw your rock in the air and demand that it stay there without falling." "Offer some non-monetary compensation to your rock to incent it." "If your rock refuses to comply, try yelling at it. Go." bonk! - "OW!" bonk! - "OW!" bonk! - "OW!" bonk! - "OW!" bonk! - "OW!" bonk! - "OW!" "For those of you who stood directly below your rock, congratulations. Pick up your diploma on the way out."

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"Hey Mort, are you coming to the...uh-oh." "Are you dead? Hello! Hello!" "I'm going to let that problem work itself out."

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"They're filming a movie downtown. I just saw Brad Pitt!" "That's nothing." "I once used too much fake tanning spray and the next thing I knew, Brad and Angelina adopted me." "You're saying Angelina Jolie is your mom?" "Until I talked her out of bottle feeding."

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"Our project scope has vastly expanded, so we'll all need to pull together as a team." "Is it too late for me to bail out before this project becomes a blight on my career?" "I already put the team photo on our coffee cups." "GAAA!!!"