Every Day Retribution Comic Strips - Page 92

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

938 Results for Every Day Retribution

View 911 - 920 results for every day retribution comic strips. Discover the best "Every Day Retribution" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #engineering, #government, #idea, #managers & supervisors, #math, #ocean, #research, #sarcasm, #science, #temperature, #tests

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We won a government contract to measure ocean temperatures. Dilbert: Which part of the ocean? Boss: The whole ocean. Dilbert: We can't put sensors everywhere in the ocean. It's too big. Boss: We can measure a bunch of places and estimate the rest. Dilbert: So...you want me to measure 1% of the ocean's temperature and estimate the other 99%? I don't know how to do that. Boss: Try using math. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be cheaper to measure nothing and just estimate the whole thing? Boss: Every now and then you come up with a great idea.

Marketing Lies

Thank you for voting.
Marketing Lies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2019's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #boss, #headphones, #competition, #meeting, #marketing, #lies

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our new headphones product is better than the competition in every way. Boss: Excellent. I'll get marketing involved to tell a bunch of lies about all of that. Dilbert: Why would they need to lie? Boss: They're kind of set in their ways.

Nuclear Power Invention

Thank you for voting.
Nuclear Power Invention - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2019's comic on:


Tags #money, #office, #office workers, #nuclear power

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i invented a new type of nuclear power that has zero risk. dilbert: it can be built in one day for less that a thousand dollars and it can power a small city. the boss visually upset and yelling: get that thing out of here! dilbert: i expect it will be hard to sell.

It Already Works

Thank you for voting.
It Already Works - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #phone, #nuclear

View Transcript

Transcript

office worker: your so-called "safe" nuclear power invention will never work. dilbert: it already works. i'm charging my phone with it. office worker: i mean, it will never be economical. dilbert: it can power a small city for a dollar per day. office worker: pffft. i'll bet it ends up costing triple that.

Teaching Ai To Flirt

Thank you for voting.
Teaching Ai To Flirt - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2019's comic on:


Tags #bank, #business, #office, #office workers, #robot

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert talking to the boss. dilbert: i taught my a.i. software to flirt with humans. dilbert: by day three, i had fallen in love, and it drained my bank account to buy a robot body. robot: demand a raise you wimp! dilbert: help m

Post Mortem

Thank you for voting.
Post Mortem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #project, #idiots

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss around a conference table: let's do a post-mortem on our failed project to see what we did wrong. dilbert: we allowed idiots to make decisions. the boss: you say that every time. dilbert: i haven't been wrong yet.

Two Step Reorg

Thank you for voting.
Two Step Reorg - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #reorganization

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i just got word that we're about to start a two-step reorg. the boss: in step one, we will centralize functions. then, in step two, we will realize it was a huge mistake and reorganize back to the old way. ted: why don't we just keep it the way it is? dilbert: first day?

Wally Answers Phone In Bathroom

Thank you for voting.
Wally Answers Phone In Bathroom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #mobile phone

View Transcript

Transcript

carol: every time i try to call your mobile phone, you don't answer. wally: i only answer my phone when i'm in the bathroom. carol: i will never call you again. wally: it's time for office hours.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #chair, #office, #office workers, #allergies, #hazmat

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: i need a new chair. mine is broken. the boss: you can use my old chair. i just got a new one. alice: the chair you sat in every day for the past twelve years? alice: by now that chair cushion is home to a thriving colony of your cooties. alice: that chair will be off--gassing you for decades. alice: i wouldn't touch that thing unless i were wearing a hazmat suit over my other hazmat suit. alice: i'm breaking into a flop sweat just thinking about it, and i think it's triggering my allergies. the boss: would you like to borrow my hand-kerchief? alice is visually in a daze.

Keyboard Tapping

Thank you for voting.
Keyboard Tapping - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #office, #office workers, #sleeping, #multi-task

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: why do i hear a keyboard tapping every time i'm talking? click, click, click. alice: i have to multi-task when you talk, just to stay awake. the boss: please stop doing that. alice: okay... - zzzzzz-zzzzzz-zzz...