Head One Comic Strips - Page 92

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View 911 - 920 results for head one comic strips. Discover the best "Head One" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 2000's comic on:


Tags #doing it wrong, #response time, #sub second, #two seconds, #always right, #never wrong, #screaming

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Noriko says to Dilbert, "And we'll have sub-second response time. Dilbert says to Noriko, "Actually, it's already two seconds, and your change will add two more." Noriko exclaims to Dilbert, "Why do you always have to be right?!" Noriko says to Dilbert, "Just once can't you admit I'm right?" Dilbert says, "Okay, I admit that two plus two equals less than one." Noriko says, "I don't mean now, jerk. I mean in general." Dilbert says, "Okay. In general I admit that the rules of physics are optional." Noriko exclaims, "You're doing it wrong!!" Dilbert says, "You're right. My fault again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2000's comic on:


Tags #attending meetings, #busy, #funding, #get funding, #need a budget, #past year, #top priority, #one task

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "Everything is ready. We just need the budget." Dilbert says to The Boss, "You did get the funding... Didn't you?" The Boss says, "I've been very busy." Dilbert says to The Boss, "This project has been your top priority for over a year!!!" Dilbert says to The Boss, "You only had one task: get funding." Dilbert asks The Boss, "What have you been doing for the past year?! The Boss says, "I remember attending meetings..." Dilbert, holding his head in his hands, cries, "Aay iii yiii yiii!!" The Boss says, "If you need anything, just holler."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2000's comic on:


Tags #birthday, #mothers birthday, #warp up present, #an hour later, #throwing towel, #element of suprise, #no waste paper, #cookies

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In the kitchen, Dilbert says to his mother, "I've been thinking about your birthday, Mom." His mother says, "How sweet." Dilbert says to his mother, "It seems so inefficient to wrap up your present." As they carry milk and cookies out of the kitchen, Dilbert says to his mother, "You'll just rip up the wrapping paper an hour later." As his mother sets the cookies down, Dilbert says to her, "So I was thinking of throwing a towel over it instead." Dilbert says to his mother, "You'd get all of the element of surprise without wasting paper." Dilbert says to his mother, "Maybe I can use one of your towels so I don't have to lug one from my house." Dilbert's mom says, "Of course, dear. I wouldn't want you to lug a big heavy towel just for me." Dilbert reaches for a cookie and says, "Good. It's settled." His mother says to him, "Those aren't for you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2001's comic on:


Tags #mouse cramp, #elbonian prison wall, #chained upside down, #winning converstaion, #topper, #annoying, #one better

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Dilbert, Topper and Wally are sitting at a table. Dilbert, wiggling his fingers, says, "I'm getting a mouse cramp." Topper says to Dilbert and Wally, "I spent seven years chained upside down to an Elbonian prison wall." Topper says to Dilbert and Wally, "At the risk of sounding too competitive, I believe I'm winning this conversation."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2001's comic on:


Tags #save millions, #project, #twenty million, #year to complete, #topper, #one better, #do better

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Dilbert, The Boss and Topper are sitting at a conference table. Dilbert says, "My project will save the company a million dollars." Topper says, "Mine saves twenty million." Dilbert says, "My project will take a year to complete." The Boss looks at Topper as Topper says, "Mine takes a week." Dilbert says, "Topper, I have half a mind..." The Boss looks dazed as Topper twitches and says, "I have one percent of a mind."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2001's comic on:


Tags #headache, #doozy, #topper, #bangs head, #must be more

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Tina says to Topper, "My head-ache is a doozy." Topper says, "Ha! That's nothing." Tina looks on as Topper hits his head forcefully on the desk to the sound of "Bam! Bam! Bam!" Tina says, "Um... You win." Topper, his face battered, says, "I'm just getting started!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2001's comic on:


Tags #retaining best employees, #whittle, #confidence, #hire

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Dogbert asks The Boss, "Do you have a plan for retaining the best employees?" The Boss says, "I whittle at their confidence until they believe no one else would ever hire them." Dogbert says, "Doesn't that make them sluggish?" The Boss says, "Yes, but if they're all sluggish, it looks right."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2001's comic on:


Tags #motivation fairy, #rewarding, #blurry vision, #long hors, #no raises, #no cubicle, #hair coming out, #wally fairy

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THE MOTIVATION FAIRY: The Fairy is sitting on top of Wally's computer monitor. Wally says, "It seems like your job isn't very rewarding." The Fairy, rubbing an eye, says, "Vision getting blurry." Wally says, "Long hours. No raises. No cubicle." The Fairy says, "Hair coming out in clumps." Wally watches as the Fairy flies away. The Fairy, looking exactly like Wally, with glasses and an almost bald head, says, "He's good. He's very good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2001's comic on:


Tags #exactly man, #sell ten million, #idea won't work, #idea makes better

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THE "EXACTLY" MAN: Randy, looking at a piece of paper, says to Dilbert, "Your idea won't work. No one would buy this kind of product." Dilbert says, "We already sell ten million of these per year. My idea just makes them better." Randy exclaims, "Exactly!!" and Dilbert thinks, "?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2001's comic on:


Tags #discount brokerage, #estate plan, #pass away, #stay dead, #zombie, #bad gifts

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DISCOUNT BROKERAGE: A man on a cell phone says, "I need an estate plan for after I pass away." Dogbert, in his office and wearing a headset, says to the man, "Here's a plan: Stay dead. No one likes a zombie." The man on the cell phone asks, "What about gifts?" Dogbert's reply is, "Zombies make bad gifts."