See And Hear Comic Strips - Page 92

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for See And Hear

View 911 - 920 results for see and hear comic strips. Discover the best "See And Hear" comics from Dilbert.com.

Getting The Wrong Answer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Getting The Wrong Answer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #spending, #Advice, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: As you can see from my financial projections, doing a major upgrade now would be unwise. Boss: I need to spend my entire budget this year so they won't give me a smaller budget next year. Dilbert: It seems you have wasted my time. Boss: It's not my fault you got the wrong answer.

Adding A Feature

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Adding A Feature - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #design, #changes, #planning, #managers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Add this feature to the software. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Why didn't you ask for this weeks ago when it would have been easy???? Boss: This is nothing. Wait until you see the feature I ask for next week.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analogy, #hyperbole, #exaggeration

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Once we have all of the vendors' bids, we will pick the best one. Man: Oh, great, so you're saying we should be exactly like serial killers? Dilbert: Uh... what? Man: Serial killers also choose their victims. Can't you see the warning flags here? You're basically promoting murder. Dilbert: That is literally the most ridiculous and unhelpful analogy of all time. I doubt you could come up with a worse analogy, no matter how hard you tried. Man: Hitler said something like that before invading Poland. Boss: Good point.

Wally's Dental Excuse

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Dental Excuse - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excuses, #laziness, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Wally, I need your input on my project plan. Wally: One moment, please. I have to check my spreadsheet to see which excuses I already used with you. Tina: I'll need a good one to get past my anger. Wally: Hmmm... maybe something dental.

No Calendar Needed

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Calendar Needed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #calendar, #excuse, #avoidance

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Do you have time to check my design? Wally: Let me see. Nope. Man: Did you just check your calendar? Wally: With my system, I don't need a calendar.

Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reality, #simulation, #aliens, #alternate universe, #perception

View Transcript

Transcript

News: Scientists confirmed that our reality is actually a software simulation created by an advanced civilization. Dilbert: That makes no sense unless the advanced civilization is a bunch of psychopaths who like to see us suffer. Catbert1: One of the idiots in our simulation is insulting us. Catbert2: I'm going to break his phone screen.

Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #research, #truth, #accuracy, #lying, #market research, #yes-man, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm the CEO of Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company. My services cost less than regular research because all I do is tell you whatever you want to hear. CEO: Is that defensible? Dogbert: I'm sensing you want a yes on that.

Gain Weight Using Product

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Gain Weight Using Product - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #warning, #caution, #labeleing, #weight, #safety, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Did I leave out any risks on the product warning page? Boss: I don't see anything about the risk of overeating while owning the product. Tina: Our product has nothing to do with eating. Boss: Then why did I gain weight when I used it?

Randy Meets Robot

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Randy Meets Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #robot, #a.i., #artificial intelligence, #morals, #etiquette

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Robot, I'd like you to meet Randy. He has no soul, just like you. Robot: What's the etiquette for this situation? Do we high-five, then kill the soul-bag where he stands? Dilbert: I can hear you. Randy: He makes a good point. It would be better to surprise him.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumor, #conjecture, #karma, #payback

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I heard that you think I'm making the wrong decision with our technology roadmap. Dilbert: I never said that. Boss: I heard you did. Dilbert: Who told you that? Boss: I promised I wouldn't reveal my source. Dilbert: It never happened. Boss: That's not what I hear. Dilbert: Will the fate of my entire career depend on that rumor? Boss: It already does. Dilbert: Do you ever worry about karma? Boss: Get back to work. Narrator: One hour later. CEO: I hear you're embezzling like crazy. Boss: Who told you that?