Business Ethics Comic Strips - Page 92

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sleeping & waking up, get up at 4am, successful people do, power nap, sound sbetter, than looks, business

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Boss: I got up at 4 a.m. because I heard it's what successful people do. Power nap! Wally: This sort of thing always sounds better than it looks.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, competition (psychology), employees, difficult coworkers, methods against me, need to know, counter neasures, learn tricks, business

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Alice: Can I sign up for a workshop on how to deal with difficult co-workers? People will be using those methods against me, and I need to know how to thwart their countermeasures. Boss: Will you leave my office if I say yes? Alice: Where did you learn that trick?!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, language, managers & supervisors, key to leadership, vague golas, jargon, wishful thinking, dumping work, whine about goals, better system, business

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Boss: The key to leadership is setting vague goals that are a combination of jargon and wishful thinking. That way, I can keep dumping work on you without hearing you whine that it doesn't fit with your goals. You have to admit, my system is better than whatever you're doing over there. Dilbert: Yup.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags allegiance, patents, corporate secuirty, shadowy figure, secrets, offering, alternatives, repeat business

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Boss: If a shadowy figure offers to buy company secrets, what should you do? Dilbert: How much is he offering? Boss: That shouldn't matter. Dilbert: How can I compare alternatives? Wally: Would there be any repeat business in this scenario? Corporate Security

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, stress, alice, computer, office, always stressed out, employees, introdcutions, glass box, reactions, warning, technology, business

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Dilbert: This is Alice. You need to know two things about her. When she feels stressed-out she gets angry. Alice: Tell him the second thing! Dilbert: She's always stressed-out.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineers, managers & supervisors, questioning, jeff bezos rule, rule of meetings, two pizzas, feed a meeting, eat two pizzas, zeros paradox, feed everyone, cheese bread, business

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Boss: We're going to use the Jeff Bezos rule of meetings. Bezos says you should never have a meeting that is so big you can't feed everyone with two pizzas. Wally: I can eat two pizzas by myself. Alice: How do you count the people who have gluten sensitivity and don't eat pizza? Dilbert: If I apply Zeno's Paradox to the slice size, can I have infinite attendees? Wally: And what does it mean to "feed" everyone? Do they need to be totally full? Boss: Stop being engineers! Wally: How does cheese bread fit into this?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags irony, managers & supervisors, work ethic, manipulated, management fads, engaged, motivated, business

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Asok: Happy Monday! Thanks to your slavish pursuit of management fads, I feel engaged and motivated! Boss: It's sort of creepy. Asok: I love being manipulated!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, vendor, software patch, installed, add value, tested, business

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Boss: Ask the vendor if they have a software patch to fix our problem. Dilbert: I already asked for the patch, installed it, and thoroughly tested in in production. Boss: I think I'll go add value someplace else. Dilbert: That's a good place to do it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, mental health, vision not money, mental problems, low self esteem, performance review, business

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Boss: We need employees that are motivated by our vision, not by money. Catbert: Are we looking for any other mental problems, or just that one? Boss: I"m also a big fan of low self-esteem. It comes in handy at performance review time.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags emotional well being, hug, managers & supervisors, rodents, touch a rat, around neck, exercises, business

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Boss: Experts say I can increase your engagement by caring for your emotional well-being. I would give you a hug, but I'm afraid of getting whatever made you this way. But I am willing to touch a rat that touches you, and that's not nothing. Wally: Put it on my neck.