Check Out Ass Comic Strips - Page 92

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View 911 - 920 results for check out ass comic strips. Discover the best "Check Out Ass" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #few changes, #vinery idea, #unimaginative retread, #idea, #discredited, #energizing force, #chat, #manage someone else

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The Boss brings Dilbert a piece of paper. He tells him, "Good idea, Dilbert ... I made a few changes and sent it out." Dilbert reads the paper and screams, "GAAA!" Dilbert says, "You removed the parts that made it a visionary idea!" As the Boss stares at him blankly, Dilbert continues, "Now it's just an unimaginative retread of an idea that has been widely discredited." Dilbert yells in shock, "GAAA! AND IT HAS MY NAME ON IT!" Dilbert collapses back on his desk, saying, "That idea was the energizing force that gave me strength to work." Dilbert yells, "NOW IT'S DEAD! YOU KILLED IT!" Dilbert lies backwards, his head on his desk, gurgling. The Boss says, "I'd love to chat but I have to manage someone else now."

Dilbert Characters

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #reduce airline expense, #weed out dumb ones, #sprint across runway, #cling to plane, #takeoff

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Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert types, "To reduce airline travel expenses..." Dilbert reads, "Sprint across the runway and cling to plane during takeoff." Catbert thinks, "That will weed out the dumb ones."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #last bullet point, #bullet point, #admit wrong, #alice heard wrong, #boss has to admit wrong

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Alice has just presented a document to the Boss. As the Boss reads it, he tells her, "Remove that last bullet point. It's stupid." Alice gasps. Alice crosses her arms and says, "Yesterday, you told me to add that bullet point." She continues, "So either you were wrong today or you were wrong yesterday." The Boss ponders this. Alice pokes her head out of the Boss' office to tell the other workers, "Everyone come quickly! He has to admit he's wrong!" Dilbert and Asok sprint down the hall. Wally's head pops up from behind his cubicle wall, elated. Once the other employees are gathered around her, Alice cues the Boss, "Say it." The Boss responds, "Alice heard me wrong yesterday." Alice is furious as everyone continues to stand around her. Wally says, "It takes a big man to admit Alice is wrong." Asok, cupping his hands to his mouth, yells, "Can you hear us Alice?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer, #appreciation, #celebration, #thanks goodness, #idiots, #joke

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Alice stands behind Asok who work at his computer. Alice says, "Asok, you've been chosen to head our customer appreciation celebration." Alice says, "The theme is "Thank Goodness there are so many idiots." Dilbert, Wally and Alice eat lunch. Dilbert says, "When do you plan to tell him it's a joke?" Alice says, "Let's see how the posters turn out."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #queen bee, #marketing, #create a buzz, #free rope, #worthless engineer, #around neck, #over beam, #suicide, #business

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Caption: "Queen bee of Marketing" A large bee women wearing glasses sits on a thrown. She hands a piece of paper to a man and says, "See if you can create a buzzover this." The man says, "Yes, my queen." The queen reached out to Dilbert who carries a coil of rope and says, "Is that free rope? Give it to me, you worthless engineer!" The queen bee wraps the rope around her neck and says, "Look everyone! There's enough to go around my neck and over that beam!" Dilbert tiptoes away.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good product design, #gave three, #leadership, #product is bad, #stock willplunge, #totally meaningless, #signed card, #happy birthday

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Asok and Dilbert stand in front of the boss' desk. Dilbert says, "we need six weeks to make a good product design." Asok says, "You gave us three." Dilbert says, "Thanks to your leadership, the products is bad, our stock will plunge, and our lives are totally meaningless." Dilbert says, "Oh, and happy birthday." Asok holds a letter out and says, "We all signed a card."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #juan delegator, #assignment, #do your work, #favor, #haircut

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Dilbert works at his computer. A man with a large mustache hands dilbert a piece of paper and says, "My name is Juan Delegator. I bring you an assignment." Dilbert looks at the sheet and says, "This is YOUR assignment. You're trying to get me to do your work." Juan says, "Teamwork!" Dilbert says, "Well I guess I could do you a favor." Juan holds out a pair of scissors and says, "And I wouldn't say now to a haircut."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #feng shui consultant, #one in your vent, #rubber bands, #spirits, #trousers, #evil soirits, #koi pond, #feel any luckier

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Caption: "The Feng Shui Consultant" Dogbert stands on the boss' desk and says, "This office is swarming with evil spirits" The Boss says, "It is?" Dogbert says, "There's one in your vent! Ooh - he ducked back in before you saw him." Dogbert says, "Put Rubber bands around your pant legs to keep the spirits out of your trousers." Dogbert says, "I figure the evil spirits will mount - a rear assault through that window." Dogbert screams. Dogbert's ears fly up. Dogbert says, "It's gone now." The boss says, "What did you see?!" Dogbert says, "It's gone now." The boss hides under his desk. Dogbert wags his tail and says, "Your only hope is to turn your secretary's cubicle intoa koi pond." Dilbert stnad by Carol's cubicle which is now filled with water and a leaping fish. Carol sits in the water wearing a scuba mask. Dilbert says, "Do you feel any luckier?" Carol curses.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ground, #static, #doorstop

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Alice is unpacking a logic board. The Boss approaches and says, "You want to see an excellent trick I taught myself?" The Boss reaches out with his finger to the logic board. He says, "If I shuffle my feet, I can make a tiny spark with my finger." The Boss is leaning in front of a door and thinks, "She's right; this thing does make an excellent doorstop."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #new engineer, #cheap, #huge raise, #under budget, #static electricity, #fuzzy cute, #dead now

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Title reads: "Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert is at his desk. He says to Dilbert, "I hired a new engineer for your project." Catbert unveils the new engineer. He is a joke. His tongue hangs out of his mouth, his eyes are wide, his collar is up and one side of his shirt is untucked. Catbert says, "He's never been an engineer before." Dilbert listens as Catbert continues, "But YOU'RE an engineer, so how hard could it be?" Catbert adds, "And he's cheap! I'll get a huge raise for being under budget." Dilbert is getting furious. Catbert exclaims, "And your project will fail! Ha Ha Ha Ha!" As the new engineer reaches towards him, Catbert realizes, "Uh-oh. I laughed myself full of static electricity." The new engineer thinks, "Fuzzy. Cute." and pets Catbert. "Zap!" Dilbert, standing over the body of the new engineer, asks, "He's dead. Now what?" Catbert replies, "I guess you'll have to drag him to the meetings."