Same People Comic Strips - Page 92

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View 911 - 920 results for same people comic strips. Discover the best "Same People" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lazy rich, #new product, #rebate, #1 million, #banking on forgetting, #great bargain, #one person

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Dogbert: "Don't sell your new product for $29. Offer it at $1,000,029 with a rebate of $1,000,000." "People will think it's a great bargain when in fact it's just a huge inconvenience." The Boss: "And all we need is one person to forget to mail in the rebate forms." Dogbert: "We'll target the lazy rich."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil dircetor, #comapnay, #free cholesterol screening, #bacon and cheese hoagies, #free hoagies

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"Catbert: Evil HR Director." "The company will provide free cholesterol screening on Tuesday." "At the same time, we're providing bacon and cheese hoagies across the hall. It's your choice." "I hate him, but I also love him."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hate people, #never allowed shoes, #Dogbert, #hows my walking, #dial, #1800

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"I plan to make bumper stickers for pedestrians that say, 'How am I walking? Call 1-800 blah, blah, blah.'" "If you call the number and report people, they'll never again be allowed to purchase shoes!" "The best part about hating people is that I never run out of great ideas."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #can't buy happiness, #expensive possessions, #pople envious, #tarde happiness for money, #whacked

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Dogbert: "Bob, remember that money can't buy happiness." Bob: "But it can buy expensive possessions that make other people envious, and that feels just as good." Dogbert: "And you can pay to have people whacked." Bob: "Can I trade my happiness for some money?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #india institute of technology, #huge brain, #mental superiority, #re heat tea, #forehead, #fire

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Asok: "At the India Institute of Technology, I learned to use my huge brain." "But I try not to frighten ordinary people with any gratuitous displays of mental superiority." "For example, I no longer reheat my tea by holding it to my forehead and imagining fire."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project manager, #returned calls, #emails, #mentally superior, #finished porject, #sleep national holidays

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Asok: "Since I became project manager, no one has returned my calls or responded to my e-mails." Asok: "Luckily, I'm an I.I.T. graduate, mentally superior to most people on Earth, so I finished the project myself." Wally: "Are you tired?" Asok: "I am trained to only sleep during national holidays."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #can't eat anything, #fifty choices, #joined lunch, #mike the vegan, #no meat, #people suffer, #vegan, #hunger

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Dilbert: "Where do you want to eat?" Alice: "Anyplace." Suddenly, Mike, the vegan pounced. "Do you mind if I join you?" Soon, hunger started to set in. "No, I can't eat at any of those fifty choices. What else do you have?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #touched by new hire, #cry, #hired, #special skill, #identifying good people, #part instinct, #favorite color

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Man: "When I'm not helping team members, I like to feed the poor or read to blind people." "I don't care about money. All I want is a chance to help humanity reach its fullest potential." The Boss: "You're so wonderful. It's making me cry! You're hired." Man: "Excellent." The Boss: "Come meet the team." "I have a special skill for identifying good people." "It's part instinct, part experience." "And yes, maybe just a little ESP." "Watch this." "Alice, your favorite color is...mitten?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #disappointing people, #meeting start late, #answer is misleading, #deadline ignored, #work is shoddy, #empthy, #blocking view of wall

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Dilbert: "Lately, every person I deal with seems to disappoint me." Dilbert: "Every meeting starts late, every answer is misleading, every deadline is ignored, and all work is shoddily done." DIlbert: "I guess what I'm saying is that today I need some empathy." Dogbert: "You are totally blocking my view of the wall."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #psychics on televison, #software testing staff, #one medium, #punish them

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"I've noticed that deadd people know a lot. They're always yapping to psychics on television." "We could kill the entire software-testing staff and replace them with one medium." "Do you see any problem with that?" "If the dead people lie, how would we punish them?"