Service Business Comic Strips - Page 92
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1000 Results for Service Business
View 911 - 920 results for service business comic strips. Discover the best "Service Business" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday March 04,
2014
Tags managers & supervisors, office workers, organized as holacracy, dynamic governance, transparent operations, harnessing, conscious capacity, wander around, dynamically, business
Transcript
Boss: Now that we're organized as a holacracy, I have no idea what I should be doing. Catbert: Holacracy involves dynamic governance, transparent operations, and harnessing your conscious capacity. Boss: That sounds like "wander around." Catbert: Try to do it dynamically.
Monday March 03,
2014
Tags business people, managers & supervisors, holacarcy, underlings, abusing for years, boot on neck, resistance to changes, business
Transcript
CEO: I'm eliminating all management levels and making us a holacracy. Boss: Noooo!!! Please don't make me equal to the underlings I've been abusing for years! In my defense, I thought I would always have my boot on your neck. Dilbert: Shush.
Tuesday February 25,
2014
Tags business ethics, obliviousness, million units, customers happy, our goals, their goals, this quarter
Transcript
CEO: Our goal is to ship a million units this quarter. Dilbert: Do we have any goals that involve making customers happy? CEO: I'm talking about our goals, not their goals. Boss: Totally different.
Saturday February 22,
2014
Tags costumes, deception, employees, ordinary workers, new employee, best way, kill boss, kindness, strangling w intestines, business
Transcript
Boss: Hello, ordinary workers. I am a new employee just like you. Alice: We're discussing the best way to kill our boss. Boss; You could kill him with kindness. Alice: I'm leaning toward strangling him with his own intestines.
Monday February 17,
2014
Tags managers & supervisors, sleeping & waking up, get up at 4am, successful people do, power nap, sound sbetter, than looks, business
Transcript
Boss: I got up at 4 a.m. because I heard it's what successful people do. Power nap! Wally: This sort of thing always sounds better than it looks.
Friday February 14,
2014
Tags anger, competition (psychology), employees, difficult coworkers, methods against me, need to know, counter neasures, learn tricks, business
Transcript
Alice: Can I sign up for a workshop on how to deal with difficult co-workers? People will be using those methods against me, and I need to know how to thwart their countermeasures. Boss: Will you leave my office if I say yes? Alice: Where did you learn that trick?!!
Thursday February 13,
2014
Tags deception, language, managers & supervisors, key to leadership, vague golas, jargon, wishful thinking, dumping work, whine about goals, better system, business
Transcript
Boss: The key to leadership is setting vague goals that are a combination of jargon and wishful thinking. That way, I can keep dumping work on you without hearing you whine that it doesn't fit with your goals. You have to admit, my system is better than whatever you're doing over there. Dilbert: Yup.
Tuesday February 11,
2014
Tags allegiance, patents, corporate secuirty, shadowy figure, secrets, offering, alternatives, repeat business
Transcript
Boss: If a shadowy figure offers to buy company secrets, what should you do? Dilbert: How much is he offering? Boss: That shouldn't matter. Dilbert: How can I compare alternatives? Wally: Would there be any repeat business in this scenario? Corporate Security
Thursday February 06,
2014
Tags anger, stress, alice, computer, office, always stressed out, employees, introdcutions, glass box, reactions, warning, technology, business
Transcript
Dilbert: This is Alice. You need to know two things about her. When she feels stressed-out she gets angry. Alice: Tell him the second thing! Dilbert: She's always stressed-out.
Sunday February 02,
2014
Tags engineers, managers & supervisors, questioning, jeff bezos rule, rule of meetings, two pizzas, feed a meeting, eat two pizzas, zeros paradox, feed everyone, cheese bread, business
Transcript
Boss: We're going to use the Jeff Bezos rule of meetings. Bezos says you should never have a meeting that is so big you can't feed everyone with two pizzas. Wally: I can eat two pizzas by myself. Alice: How do you count the people who have gluten sensitivity and don't eat pizza? Dilbert: If I apply Zeno's Paradox to the slice size, can I have infinite attendees? Wally: And what does it mean to "feed" everyone? Do they need to be totally full? Boss: Stop being engineers! Wally: How does cheese bread fit into this?


