Sales People Comic Strips - Page 92

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Dogbert's Retirement Planning Seminar "I'll show you how to spend your golden years on the golf course." "Get a job caddying for people who have better jobs than you." "Never pay rent again, thanks to the patented Dogbert breathing tube for sand traps!"

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You're too cute to work in engineering. I'm transferring you to sales. "No one wants to hurt a baby. Use that to your advantage." "And if you buy the deluxe package I won't be emotionally scarred for life."

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"Dilbert, I'd like you to accompany Alan on a sales call." "You'll explain how our product works with their current system. Alan will crack jokes and collect a huge commission." "It might sound unfair, but these are good jokes." "Like 'What can I do you for?'"

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The Sales Call "I brought my egghead to talk to your egghead while you and I make out." "Our web services employ XML, Soap and WSDL to achieve interoperable HTTP modules." Mmm mmm mmm "Do you ever think we might be in the wrong jobs?" "I'm not going to kiss you." Mmm mmm

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Heh heh! I'll turn my monitor so no passersby can see what I'm doing. "Is he working? Dang! I can't tell." zzzzz "I'm starting to think I can't read people." "Dude. I wasn't kidding. Come back later!"

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Tags #center of excellence, #presidentail library, #honoring lifes work, #asking questions

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"I've been asked to design and build our center of excellence." "Which, as I understand it, is like a presidential library honoring my life's work." "In time, people learn to stop asking me questions."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vp of marketing, #17 years, #lowering margins, #overseeing campaigns

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Bob will be leaving us after 17 years as vice president of marketing. "Bob's accomplishments include lowering both our margins and our sales while overseeing a series of confusing marketing campaigns." "I hope you'll all join me in wishing for a piano to fall on his head."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anti depressant, #bad mood, #pepper spray, #gaaa

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I invented an external anti-depressant. "When I'm in a bad mood I just apply it to other people." Pshht "It used to be called pepper spray." "GAAA!"

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Tags #best marketing expert, #resume, #nobel prize, #five olympic medals, #marketing biathlon

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"We need to hire the best marketing expert we can find." "Your resume says you've won the Nobel Prize in marketing, and five Olympic gold medals in the marketing biathlon." "What's a marketing biathlon?" "You ski up to people who won't buy your crap and you shoot them."

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Tags #drunken lemur, #written by, #project plan, #other drunken lemurs, #lemur analogies

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I need your honest opinion about my project plan. Don't hold back. "Your plan looks like it was written by a drunken lemur as a practical joke on other drunken lemurs." "Today I learned that people don't like drunken lemur analogies."