Act As Sales People Comic Strips - Page 92

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View 911 - 920 results for act as sales people comic strips. Discover the best "Act As Sales People" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2004's comic on:


Tags #knowledge is power, #crush you

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Remember: Knowledge is power. "So never tell people anything because they might use it to crush you." "Do you understand?" "I'm not saying."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #marketing needs volunteers, #ads stimulate, #people brains, #cat scan, #see coming

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"Marketing needs volunteers for a study about how our ads stimulate people's brains." "Who among us would like to get a cat scan?" "Okay, seriously, who didn't see this coming?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 1999's comic on:


Tags #big dumb guy, #disagree, #lazy, #habitual liar, #excellent track record, #excellent work

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The Boss brings a Big Dumb Guy to Alice's desk. He says, "Alice, I'd like you to work with this big dumb guy." The Boss continues, "He doesn't know he's dumb. So he'll tell people you're dumb if you ever disagree." The Boss: "He's also lazy and a habitual liar." Alice shouts, "Then why do you let him work here?!" The Boss explains, "He has an excellent track record. No one knows why." In front of the Boss and Alice, the Big Dumb Guy bends over and picks up the document that Alice was working on from her desk. Big Dumb Guy shows Alice's document to the Boss. Big Dumb Guy says, "Look what I just did." The Boss responds, "Excellent work." Alice is flabbergasted. The Boss tries to console Alice, who is furious, with "Remember Alice, you're never too old to learn."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 1999's comic on:


Tags #pointy hired boss, #phone, #email, #pager, #electronic attempts, #ruin productivity, #send in ground trrops, #return some calls

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Carol shows up in Dilbert's cubicle wearing a backpack and holding a staff. Carol says, "The pointy-haired boss wants to see you." Carol says, "He tried to reach you by phone, e-mail and pager." Carol says, "But you resisted his electronic attempts to ruin your productivity." Carol says, "so he decided to send in the ground troops." Carol pionts the staff at Dilbert and says, "Don't make me use this!" Dilbert stand in the boss' office. the boss says, "Could you wait outside while I return some phone calls?" Wally and Alice stand in line. Wally says, "Get to the back of the line." Dilbert stands behind three random people. Dilbert says, "Does everyone want to have a conversation?" The man in front of Dilbert says, "I have a magazine."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 1999's comic on:


Tags #young dilbert, #mother, #kitchen denied permission, #skateboard, #construction site, #jumped off cliff, #credibility, #Family

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A young Dilbert is in the kitchen with his mom and asks, "Mom, can I go skateboarding at the construction site?" Mom replies, "No." Dilbert asks, "Why not? Everyone else does it." Mom asks, "If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you do that? Dilbert replies, "Well, that would depend on many factors, including height, training and equipment." Dilbert goes on, "But if 100% of the people who jumped off cliffs said they enjoyed it, as in my skateboard example... "...Then I would conclude that it was safe." Dilbert continues, "A better question might have been, "If everyone wore clothes, would you do that?"..." Dilbert outside, walking off with his skateboard thinking, "Her credibility gets worse every day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2005's comic on:


Tags #create software, #small investors, #pick stocks, #past trends, #hubris, #ignorance, #testimonials

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Dogbert: I'm creating software that will help small investors pick stocks. "It combines past trends that are not indicative of the future with the user's hubris and ignorance." "Now all I need are testimonials from people whose results are not typical!" Dilbert: "So it works?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2005's comic on:


Tags #feel guilty, #scam, #money, #smarter, #arrogance, #good system

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Dilbert: Do you ever feel guilty for scamming innocent people out of their money? Dogbert: "No." "I only scam people who would do the same to me if they were just smarter." Dilbert: "So you use arrogance to cancel guilt?" Dogbert: "It's a good system."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2005's comic on:


Tags #tina trains, #new boss, #uniformed decions, #sociopathic ego maniac, #like to fidget

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Tina trains her boss Tina: You'll find me in this chair. doing real work. Tina: your job, as I understand it, is to make uninformed decisions and act like a sociopathic egomaniac, Tina: you'll usually stand like this. I also like to fidget and harrumph.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2005's comic on:


Tags #bad service, #fire people, #sexy, #ceo of company

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I keep getting bad service at stores. "Do what I do."<br."I say I'm the CEO of their company and then I fire them all." "You don't look like a CEO." "Too sexy?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2005's comic on:


Tags #worthless, #subject matter expert, #narrow field, #vague field

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Wally: "People think I'm worthless, but in fact I'm a subject-matter expert in a very narrow field." "It's so narrow that it requires no knowledge whatsoever." Dilbert: "What field is it?" Wally: "There's no way to know for sure."