Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 92
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Dogbert's journal entry says, "A small band of the creatures were known to live high in an artificial structure." The panel shows an office building. Dogbert's journal says, "On my way to study them I took note of the native vegetation." Dogbert stands in an office wearing a backpack. He feels a potted plant and thinks, "Rented." His journal says, "The younger males were at play. They became self-conscious when watched." Dogbert watches a man playing computer games. Dogbert's journal says, "The dominant male had a gray back. He controlled the others by waving little envelopes." The Boss waves paychecks at the employees and they bow to him. Dogbert's journal says, "There were few females in the group. The less dominant males had no chance of mating." Dilbert and Wally watch a woman walk past them. Dogbert's journal syas, "Unlike other species they head no instinct for grooming." A man asks, "Want to groom?" Wally replies, "Drop dead." The journal says, "My time was up, but I will miss them, those . . ." Dogbert walks toward the elevator. The journal concludes, "Engineers in the mist." Wally asks Dilbert, "How long are you supposed to microwave popcorn?"
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert asks, "Do you think the chemistry of the brain controls what people do?" Dilbert replies, "Of course." Dogbert asks, "Then how can we blame people for their actions?" Dilbert replies, "Because people have free will to do as they choose." Dogbert asks, "Are you saying that 'free will' is not part of the brain?" Dilbert replies, "Of course it is, but it's the part of the brain that's out there just being kind of free." Dogbert says, "So, you're saying the 'free will' part of the brain is exempt from the natural laws of physics." Dilbert answers, "Obviously, otherwise we couldn't blame people for anything they do." Dogbert asks, "Do you think the 'free will' part of the brain is attached or does it just float nearby?" Dilbert replies, "Shut up."
Dilbert stands in a shoe store. A salesperson asks, "Can I help you?" Dilbert tells the salesman, "I oppose the slaughter of helpless animals. Do you have any shoes that aren't made of leather?" The man replies, "Yeah, but they would make you look like a twit." Dilbert says, "Well, forget that. Do you have any shoes made in this country?" The salesman replies, "Yeah, but they cost more." Dilbert says, "Okay, forget that. Just show me some shoes that weren't made with slave labor." The man says, "We charge a premium for no-slave shoes." Dilbert replies, "Well, forget that." Dilbert arrives at home with a shoebox. Dogbert asks, "How much did you sell your soul for?" Dilbert answers, "Forty bucks and a little shine cloth."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table. The woman says, "We always used to go to the . . ." Someone blows a whistle. Dogbert approaches Dilbert from behind shouting, "Stop the action!" Dogbert points at the woman and says, "That's a penalty for talking about an old boyfriend!" Dogbert points at Dilbert and says, "The opposing date gets one minute to talk about a sports event!" Dilbert says, "Then Mullin hits the jump shot . . ." Dogbert blows the whistle. Dogbert says, "Penalty! Staring at the waitress for no legitimate reason!!" The woman thinks, "Yes!" Dogbert says, "The visiting team gets one minute to discuss 'feelings.'" The woman says, "I think of you in the 'friend' category." Dogbert waves his paws and shouts, "Score!!"
Dilbert bends over tying his shoelace. He tells Dogbert, "Maybe I'm unlucky in love because I'm so knowledgeable about science that I intimidate people." Dilbert continues, "Their intimiidation becomes low self-esteem, then they reject me to protect their egos." Dogbert says, "Occam's razor." They walk through the park. Dilbert asks, "What is 'Occam's razor'?" Dogbert answers, "A guy named Occam had a rule about the world." Dogbert continues, "Basically, he said that when there are multiple explanations for something, the simplest explanation is usually correct." They sit down on some rocks. Dogbert continues, "The simplest explanation for your poor love life is that you're immensely unattractive." Dilbert says, "Maybe Occam had another rule that specifically exempted this situation, but his house burned down with all his notes. Then he forgot." Dogbert says, "Occam's razor." Dilbert asks, "I'm an idiot?" Dogbert replies, "I don't think we can rule it out at this point."
Banner reading "Dogbert the Consultant" appears across top of page. Dogbert sitting in front of The Boss. Dogbert says, "I cab give you excellent advice for $50,000 per month." Dogbert sitting in chair continues, "If budget is a problem, I also offer bad advice for the low price of $45,000 per month." Dilbert and Alice watch as The Boss runs past their cubicle with scissors in hand. Alice says, "That's not a good sign."
Dilbert and Dogbert sitting on a couch. Dilbert is eating chips. Dogbert says, "I donated a billion dollars to the United Nations today." Dilbert replies, "That's nice of you." Dogbert says, "My only condition is that they name something after me." At the United Nations, three UN representatives sit at a table. The French diplomat exclaims, "For the millionth time: Yes, I'm sure we want to keep calling it France!"
Dilbert stands next to Dogbert while he sits at a table drawing. Dogbert says, "I'm creating a comic strip called 'Pippy the Ziphead.'" Dogbert continues, "I'm cramming as much artwork in there as possible, so no one will notice there's only one joke." Dilbert sits next to Dogbert, peruses the cartoon and says, "The joke is on the reader, isn't it?" Dogbert responds, "I'd better cram some more art in there."
Dilbert looking at Dogbert's cartoon. Dogbert sitting next to him. Dilbert says, "Your comic strip seems to be nothing but a clown with a small head who says random things." Dogbert responds, "That's Pippy." Dogbert explains, "I'm maintaining my artistic integrity by creating a comic that no one will enjoy." Dilbert says, "The important thing is that YOU enjoy it." Dogbert replies, "The first two were okay, but now I'm just bitter."
Dilbert sitting on couch while holding "TECH" magazine. Dogbert stands on arm of couch and thinks, "I will now test my theory that people like to be told what to do." Dogbert yells, "QUIT YOUR JOB AND BUILD ME A PYRAMID, YOU HOMELY DOLT!!!" Dilbert responds, "I liked it until the dolt part." Dogbert says, "I've noticed that honesty doesn't mix well with anything."