Hire Third Time Comic Strips - Page 92

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View 911 - 920 results for hire third time comic strips. Discover the best "Hire Third Time" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #annoyance, #business trip, #humor, #pleasure, #offsite meeting, #beelzebub inn, #disgruntled underling book

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Wally says, "Where's our pointy haired boss?" Carol says, "He's at an offsite meeting to decide who to lay off." Carol says, "Don't worry. I booked the meeting at the Beelzebub Inn. No one has ever returned from there." The Boss says, "If you don't like the accommodations, next time have your own disgruntled underling book a place."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quantifying, #liar, #thief, #overseeing work

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The Boss says, "Maybe someone can help you quantify the value of your research and development work." Dilbert says, "The only people who can quantify the value of researcg are liars and morons." The Boss says, "Maybe we could hire a consultant." DIlbert says, "That just turns a liar into a thief."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customers, #product design, #dumb, #hat, #monkey, #software, #meeting, #computer, #annoyed, #technology, #animals, #business, #engineering

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The Boss says, "We need to get our customers more involved in the product design cycle." Dilbert says, "We only have customers who are too dumb to check product reviews online." The Boss says, "Do it anyway." Customer says, "Can it wear a hat like a monkey?" Dilbert says, "For the millionth time, software can't wear clothes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonians, #war, #punching, #pow, #cultural sensitivity

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The Boss says, "Alice, I'm sending you to cultural sensitivity training before we meet with the Elbonians." The Boss says, "Last time you almost started a war." Alice says, "I made one little mistake." FLASHBACK Alice says, "And here's another way the women in my country are different." POW!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #hire, #consultant, #raise morale, #pointless, #magic, #feel good, #business

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The Boss says, "I hired a consultant to raise your morale by making you glad you're not him." Ratbert says, "No one loves me. My life is pointless. I eat old soap." The Boss says, "Now let the magic begin." Dilbert says, "I feel good about not eating old soap." Ratbert says, "Cha!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #powerpoint, #waste time, #slow motion, #read, #project emu, #tie, #pull, #yank, #strangle, #business

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Man says, "I could've e-mailed you my powerpoint deck, and you could have read it in five minutes." Man says, "But I prefer making you sit here for an hour while I read each bullet point in slow motion." Man says, "P-o-i-n-t n-u-m-b-e-r o-n-e?" Wally says, "Yank this as hard as you can."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coworker, #question, #hold out paper, #technical accuracy, #no, #coffee, #bad attitude, #harsh, #grumpy

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Coworker says, "Alice, can you check this for technical accuracy?" Alice says, "Nope. Don't have time." Alice says, "And no one else is qualified, so you might as well give up and look for a new job." Coworker says, "That was a bit harsh." Alice says, "You'd be less worthless if you fetched me some coffee."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #training, #new software, #trick, #hire, #job opening, #interview, #technical expert, #provide

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Dilbert says, "I need training to use our new software." The Boss says, "Pretend we have a job opening for a technical expert in that field. Then ask applicants how they would do whatever it is that you need to do." Man says, "Does you company provide training?" Dilbert says, "'Provide' is a strong word."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nose job, #health insurance, #surgery, #dog nose, #veterinarian, #lunch time, #eat, #engineer, #function, #rationalize, #medical, #engineering

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Asok says, "I probably shouldn't have gone to a veterinarian for my nose job." Asok says, "But as an engineer, I value function over form, and the airflow is actually quite good." Dilbert says, "You might be rationalizing a little." Asok says, "I pity you with your inefficient nostrils."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fix control management system, #long time, #meeting, #leadership, #timeline, #failure, #annoyed, #blame others, #business

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The Boss says, "What's taking you so long to fix the control management system?" Dilbert says, "Your leadership has taught me to give you laughably unrealistic timelines, then blame others when I miss deadlines." The Boss says, "You're not even doing that right." Dilbert says, "I guess I need more of your leadership."