Hired Back Comic Strips - Page 92

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924 Results for Hired Back

View 911 - 920 results for hired back comic strips. Discover the best "Hired Back" comics from Dilbert.com.

Bigot In Your Mind

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Bigot In Your Mind - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #boss, #marriage, #avoid, #bigot, #mind, #self-deception, #real world, #Win, #hire

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boss: i hear you're marrying an elbonian man to avoid being called a bigot. but it doesn't work that way. you can still be a bigot in your mind, no matter what you do in the real world. dilbert: so... there's no way to win? boss: did i forget to tell you that when i hired you?

Universe Preparing Problems

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Universe Preparing Problems - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #universe, #preparing, #problems, #anger, #laptop, #hate

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dilbert thinking in from of laptop: uh-oh. i don't seem to have any actual problems today. the universe hates it when i have no problems. it must be preparing a big one. dilbert yelling: what's it gonna be this time, universe?! carol: i'll come back.

Elbonian Hackers Attack

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Elbonian Hackers Attack  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #elbonian, #hackers, #attack, #stole, #database, #ranking, #employee, #haircuts, #sarcasm

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dilbert: elbonian hackers stole our employee performance ranking database, and now they demand a ransom payment to give it back. boss: they can keep it. we've been ranking employees solely on their haircuts for years, and no one has complained yet. dilbert: what? boss walking away: we will speak of this no more.

Potted Plant

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Potted Plant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #communication, #job, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #employees, #feelings, #potted plant, #new, #boss

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ceo: the only reason you have a job is so i don't have to talk to employees. but i still talk to you every day, so i hired a potted plant to be your new boss. boss: i feel deeply insulted. ceo: see? a plant would never feel that way.

Ted Will Train You

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Ted Will Train You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #training, #absence, #coffee, #helpful, #problem, #successful, #sarcasm

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boss: ask ted to show you how to do his job functions before he leaves for his new job. panel changes to office building. dilbert: what if he isn't helpful? boss: then i'll fire you for failing. panel changes back in office: dilbert: do you see any problem with the approach? boss: no. it's worked for years.

Too Busy To Train

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Too Busy To Train - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #jobs, #managers & supervisors, #two, #replacement, #quit, #death, #stare, #new, #person, #sarcasm

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dilbert: i'm working two jobs since ted quit. maybe you could fire a replacement for ted. boss: that won't work because you're too busy to train a new person. panel changes building. voice from building: stop making that death stare and get back to your two jobs.

Racist Scapegoat

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Racist Scapegoat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business meeting, #hire, #racist, #racism, #woke gang, #human, #sacrifice, #attack, #scapegoat, #bloodlust

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boss: i hired a racist in case the woke gangs attack us and we need a human sacrifice. coworker: what? boss: when the wokies come for us, we'll throw this guy under the bus to satisfy their bloodlust. coworker yelling: i'm not a racist! boss: they won't know that.

I'm Not A Racist

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I'm Not A Racist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #racism, #racist, #woke, #demands, #sacrifice, #spare, #proof

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dilbert: there's a mob of woke people surrounding our building. they demand a human sacrifice. boss: fetch the spare racist i hired for that purpose. male co-worker hanging from a rod outside top level of office tower: i'm not a racist! really i'm not! voice from inside the building: he can't prove that!

No Purpose

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No Purpose - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #beauty, #deck, #creation, #water, #hydrate, #well-being, #no friends, #no purpose, #better

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dilbert: i just spent thirty minutes admiring the beauty of the slide deck i created yesterday. i'm going back for another round after i hydrate. voice from outside frame: what's it like having no friends and no purpose? dilbert: it's a lot better than you'd think.

Hired A Technology Healer

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