Know Anything Comic Strips - Page 92

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View 911 - 920 results for know anything comic strips. Discover the best "Know Anything" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #do nothing robot, #lazy, #replacement, #robot, #similar to man, #uncomplicated, #websites, #coffee drinker

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The Boss: I bought a robot to replace you. All it does is drink coffee and look at inappropriate websites. The boss: Did I forget anything? Wally: No, I not a complicated man.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #designers, #ignorance (knowledge), #black buttons, #black case, #hardware, #user interface, #normal light, #nerdy, #art, #package design

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Dilbert: You designed our hardware with black buttons on a black case. The user interface will be invisible in normal light. Designer: But more important, it looks great! Dilbert: You don't know what "important" means, do you? Designer: It sounds nerdy. I majored in art.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #monsters, #taxes, #tax code, #stanky, #monster, #tree deweller

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Dogbert: I'm looking for a monster named Stanky Bathurd. Monster: He's kind of busy rewriting the tax code to be more frustrating. Dogbert: I know. He hired me to help.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet & world wide web, #revenge, #killed robot, #uploaded personality, #internet, #decommissioned it, #subroutines, #haunting, #technology

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Dilbert: You killed our robot. Alice: He had it coming. Dilbert: Are you aware that it uploaded its personality to the internet before you violently decommissioned it? Alice: What? Dilbert: Did you know it had subroutines for haunting, revenge, and being a jerk. Alice: What? Robot: We meet again.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #ignorance (knowledge), #table tennis, #ping pong table, #central area, #disrupt floor, #questioning motivation

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CEO: Let's get a ping-pong table so we look like a great place to work. Put it in a central area that will disrupt the entire floor if anyone uses it. I just realized that I don't know why noise comes out of my mouth.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mole hired, #boss, #sneak, #mole as mole, #people think, #gas bag, #bad press, #bad thoughts, #worthless, #self important

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The Boss: What have you learned this week working as my employee mole? Mole: Some of the people in this building think you're a worthless, self-important gas bag. The Boss: What do other people think? Mole: They don't know you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #everyone informed, #out of loop, #witnessing birth, #birth of child, #envy, #project, #happy, #miracle

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The Boss: It's too hard to keep everyone informed about everything. I've decided to take you out of the loop. Wally: Really?? Now I know what fathers mean when they talk about witnessing the birth of their children. Dilbert: Lucky!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #decison, #needs of decsion, #hour, #badger, #spiteful boss

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Alice: I need a decision, but it involves more than one variable and I know you can't handle that. I'll give you an hour to dither before I badger you into making the correct decision. The Boss: I'm going to dither for two hours just to show her who is in charge."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #distraction, #meeting, #move, #office, #phone ring, #rug catch fire, #business

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Dilbert: I'm here to go through the motions of trying to ask you a question. But we both know your phone will ring, or you'll be late for a meeting, or the carpet will catch on fire before I ask the question. It's a short question, so get ready to make your move."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #five year plan, #five minutes, #office, #room, #conference room

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The Boss: My new five-year plan looks like this. Plan Dilbert: How can you have a five-year plan when you don't know what will happen in five minutes? Ted: We have this room now. The Boss: Bad timing, Shoo! Shoo!"