Meeting Won't End Comic Strips - Page 92

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View 911 - 920 results for meeting won't end comic strips. Discover the best "Meeting Won't End" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #recessions, #regular interns, #interns intern, #no pay, #semi relevant job experience, #slap you, #no reason, #stupid economy

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Boss: We don't have any openings for regular interns, but I can offer you a job as an intern to our intern. We won't pay you, of course, but you might acquire an imperceptible amount of semi-relevant job experience. And sometimes we'll slap you for no reason. Applicant: Stupid economy! I'll take it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #poor persons, #rich people, #invented ethics, #trash talk

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CEO: Did you know that poor people invented ethics to control rich people? Nice try, poor people! It's not working! If they haven't killed me by now, a little trash talk won't make any difference.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2012's comic on:


Tags #automobile driving, #company car, #crazy, #data center, #directions, #gadgets, #gps directions, #gps navigation system

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Boss: Take a company car and meet a customer at our data center on Montgomery and Pine. Dilbert: I can't drive to an unfamiliar place with Alice. She'll spend the entire trip arguing with the GPS navigation system. Boss: No one does that. Dilbert: Allow me to demonstrate. My phone says we should take this route. Alice: What?! Is it crazy? We are not taking 880! Change your mind! Change your mind! Change your mind! Dilbert: It gets worse. Alice: If you listen to this liar, I will end you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #emergency, #lostphone, #company id, #keys, #critical folder, #self generated crisi, #dead battery, #small brown purse

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Coworker: Emergency! I can't find my phone and I"m late for a customer meeting. Dilbert: Maybe it's with your company I.D. badge that you had to drive all the way home for this morning. Alice: It might be with your keys that you lost after lunch. Dilbert: Maybe it's under that critical folder that you couldn't find before your last meeting. Alice: Maybe it's wherever you created your last self-generated crisis. Coworker: I just remembered I put my phone in my purse because the battery is dead. Has anyone seen a small, brown purse?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2012's comic on:


Tags #despair, #prices, #social media expert, #fee, #pay scale, #popcorn, #meeting, #hope left body, #business

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Dilbert: I assume we pay you based on how much you increase our social media hits. Consultant: No. My fee is whatever I think you're dumb enough to pay for ambiguous outcomes. Dilbert: Either hope just left my body or the popcorn is getting chatty. Social media expert

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 2012's comic on:


Tags #suspicion, #decisons, #office, #options, #blame later, #evil, #record on phone. boss, #work

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Dilbert: I need a decision of this by end of business today. Boss: Which option do you recommend? Dilbert: Nice try, but I'm not falling for it. You're trying to set me up to take the blame later. I want to hear you make a decision, and I'm going to record it on my phone so you don't later deny it. Talk, you evil monster! Talk! All I know for sure is that the other approach wasn't going to work either.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2012's comic on:


Tags #controlling gaze, #lazy, #management experts, #managers & supervisors, #one on one meetings, #regular does, #theiveing, #underlings, #work ethic, #toxic saboteur, #business

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Boss: Management experts say bosses should have frequent one-on-one meeting with underlings. Apparently, you need regular doses of my controlling gaze to prevent you from evolving into a lazy, thieving, toxic saboteur. Carol: It's working great. So far I feel less lazy about doing the other things you mentioned.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #executives, #new strategy, #nimble, #meeting, #business plan, #business

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CEO: Our new strategy is to be nimble. Dilbert: Is that the same as saying our strategy is to have no strategy? CEO: Just do your job. Dilbert: Can I be nimble instead?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2012's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #employee survey, #respect and dignity, #feel gross, #disgust, #paper towel

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Catbert: The first question on the employee survey is... Do you feel you are valued and treated with respect and dignity? Dilbert: Well, let me put it this way... you know how sometimes you step in something gross and then you have to wipe it off your shoe with a paper towel? Catbert: So... you feel like the paper towel? Dilbert: No, the paper towel has a purpose. Catbert: So... you feel like the gross stuff on the shoe? Dilbert: No, the gross stuff gets to leave. I feel like a shoe that has gross stuff on the bottom and a sweaty foot shoved all the way to the end of its sole. Catbert: I'll leave this one blank. Dilbert: Because my opinions don't matter?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2012's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #work ethic, #execution, #innovation, #full time job, #excellence, #inspired, #died on inside, #coffee and resentment, #chemical formula for hatred, #drilled employees

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Boss: Execution is a game of inches! You miss 100% of the shots you don't take! Innovation is everyone's full-time job! Be the dog, not the tail! Excellence is the only market that isn't crowded! Why don't any of you look inspired by my leadership? Wally: I died on the inside years ago. Now I'm just a fleshy container full of coffee and resentment. This guy was born without a soul. The she-devil at the end is the chemical formula for hatred. Catbert: Did you get through to them? Boss: I drilled until I hit bile.