New Things Comic Strips - Page 92
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View 911 - 920 results for new things comic strips. Discover the best "New Things" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share July 18, 2001's comic on:
Ron is sitting at his desk. He thinks to himself, "If I use the speakerphone it will annoy my co-workers." He continues thinking, "Luckily for me, I'm a sociopath." Dilbert approaches from behind and says, "Two things: you're a bit loud... and you're eating my lunch." Ron responds, "It's delicious."
Share August 28, 2001's comic on:
Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "First, we'll lower costs by offering a retirement package that induces all the smart employees to leave." The Boss continues, "Then we'll rewrite our mission statement to make it fit better." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Our new mission statement is, 'If you can read this you should have retired by now." Dogbert replies, "Ouch."
Share September 04, 2001's comic on:
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "Profits are down. Our senior management blames the weak economy." Dilbert responds, "So they're saying that profits went UP because of great management and DOWN because of a weak economy?" The Boss responds, annoyed, "These meetings will go faster if you stop putting things in context." Dilbert replies quietly, "Sorry."
Share October 18, 2001's comic on:
Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert is seen through a TV screen. He says, "If your core holding is a falling knife, you can dollar cost average through the dead cat bounce." A man is watching TV on his couch. Dogbert's voice continues, "My secret economic model says you should change your cash allocation from 12.4% to 12.3%." Dogbert and the TV interviewer are seen through a spilt screen on the TV. Dogbert says, "My new book is, 'If you aren't churning, you aren't learning." The interviewer replies, "Don't come back."
Share January 21, 2002's comic on:
Headline: Dilbert the Sales Guy. Dilbert is meeting with a customer. He says, "I'll talk to you every day to see if you change your mind." The customer replies, "Don't talk to me every day." Dilbert says, "You might change your mind." Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "Did you know that if you cross 'sales' with 'talk' you get 'stalk?'"
Share February 09, 2002's comic on:
Headline: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert says to Dilbert and Wally, "The bad news is that I had to get rid of our marketing department." Catbert continues, "The good news is that we have tons of nondairy creamer!" Dilbert and Wally are drinking coffee. Dilbert asks, "Do you think those two things are related?" Wally replies, "If they are, I'm cutting back to five cups a day."
Share March 01, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert says to a coworker, "I'd like to demonstrate some things we can't do." The coworker responds, "I don't care about things you can't do." Dilbert says, "I know, but it makes a better demonstration this way." The coworker exclaims, "I want my life to have meaning!" Dilbert points out and says, "You came to the wrong place." Dilbert adds, "Can't do that."
Share March 13, 2002's comic on:
The Boss is with a toothless man who has a broken arm and an eye patch. The Boss says to Dilbert, "Meet your new cubicle neighbor. His name is Mel." The Boss continues, "Mel will be making loud personal calls all day." Dilbert is sitting in his cubicle. He hears Mel on the phone, "Is it supposed to make a squishy sound? Listen to this..."
Share March 14, 2002's comic on:
Headline: Medical Mel. Dilbert hears Mel on the phone saying, "...the needle was four feet long and thick as a pencil." Mel's voice continues, "I tried to run but the doctor had been an Olympic javelin champion." Mel's voice continues, "My new nickname at the hospital is Bob - short for Shishkabob." Dilbert covers his ears.
Share March 28, 2002's comic on:
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "From now on, everything we do must be justified by R.O.I." Dilbert asks, "What's the R.O.I. for this new policy about calculating R.O.I.?" The Boss says, "I said 'from now on.'" Dilbert points at The Boss and says, "What about your answer? No R.O.I."