Success Sounds Like Comic Strips - Page 92

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View 911 - 920 results for success sounds like comic strips. Discover the best "Success Sounds Like" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 1997's comic on:


Tags #gauge glug, #keep discipline, #tendency snack, #zesty italian dressing, #telecommunting

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Alice is telecommuting. She's dressed in a bath robe and sitting at the table with some food and a speaker phone. The voice on the telephone says, "How do you like telecommuting, Alice?" Alice says, "It's good, except I've developed a tendency to snack." Alice tosses her head back and takes big gulping drinks from a bottle. The voice says, "I'm sure you'll keep your discipline." Alice says, "I LOVE Zesty Italian dressing." Alice burps.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 1997's comic on:


Tags #telecommunters, #eat anytime, #wild animals, #tranquilizer darts, #flatbed, #giant shoehorn

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A fat Alice looks in the refrigerator and thinks, "Telecommuters can eat any time they want, just like wild animals." Alice lies on the couch and thinks, "There's only one way they'll ever get me back in the cubicle." The Boss looks at a chart and says, "Here's the plan. You'll need tranquilizer darts, a flatbed truck, and giant shoehorn." Asok says, "No harpoon?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #mutual fund, #past performance, #no indication, #future perfromance, #strategy, #entire investment, #personal expenses, #talking to wall

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Dogbert sits behind a large desk. He says to a potential investor, "As you know, past performance is no indication of future performance." Dogbert continues, "So my strategy is to use your entire investment for my personal expenses and see what happens." The investor says, "Has that strategy ever worked before?" Dogbert says, "Geez, it's like I'm talking to a wall here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 1997's comic on:


Tags #cobol programmer, #millenium problem, #dinosaur

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "We need COBOL programmers for our mainframe millenium problem." The Boss says, "If you see anyone that looks like a COBOL programmer, let me know." Dilbert says, "Turn around." Bob the dinosaur is walking around the corner. The Boss says to Bob, "Are you a COBOL programmer?" Bob says, "No, but I'm often told I look like one." The Boss says, "You're hired."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 1997's comic on:


Tags #problems, #waiting it out, #standing motionless, #reorganization

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Bob says to Asok, "Most problems go away if you wait long enough, Asok." Asok sits next to his computer looking dejected. Bob says, "It might look like I'm standing motionless, but I'm actively waiting for our problems to go away." The Boss pokes his head in Asok's cubicle and says, "There's been a reorganization..." Bob says, "I don't know why this works, but it does." Asok smiles.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 1997's comic on:


Tags #changing, #job titles, #non technical, #sec group, #second class citizens

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The Boss says, "Tina, we're changing the job titles of all non-technical people." The Boss says, "Collectively, you'll be known as our S.C.C. Group." Tina says, "I like the sound of it - very dignified. We were beginning to feel like second class citizens. What's SCC stand for?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 1997's comic on:


Tags #losers, #bad ideas, #test a new idea, #research, #science

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Dilbert is dressed in shorts and a t-shirt and carries a Frisbee. He says, "All great ideas look like bad ideas to people who are losers." Dilbert throws the Frisbee while Dogbert watches it float away. Dilbert says, "It's always a good to test a new idea with known losers to make sure they don't like it." Dogbert's Research Co. A man says to a woman, 'What a coincidence. We both lost three homes in flood zones." The woman is in love. Dogbert says, "Let's begin."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 1997's comic on:


Tags #analogy police, #boss compared, #mink coat, #importance

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Asok goes to the Analogy Police. A sign on the door reads, "Open." Phil, ruler of Heck, sits behind a desk. Asok says, "My boss said I was as important as a mink is to a mink coat." Phil says, "That sounds fine to me." Asok says, "But the Mink dies." Phil says, "I guess you won't be leaving a full fifteen precent tip."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 1997's comic on:


Tags #grunt grunt, #excellent conversationalist, #too perfect, #you've been coached

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Dilbert eats dinner with his nameless date. He says, "Grunt, gunt. You're right. Grunt." She says, "All you do is grunt and agree with me." She says, "I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it. You're an excellent conversationalist." Dilbert thinks, "It's a trap." Dilbert says, "Aw, shucks. I'm not excellent at anything." The date says, "You're too perfect! You've been coached!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 1997's comic on:


Tags #lower opinion, #time bombs, #ruin magic, #kill me, #one kiss, #no tongue

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Dilbert and his date go for a walk, holding hands. She says, "Sooner or later you'll say something that will lower my opinion of you." Dilbert grunts. She says, "Men are like bombs. At any moment you'll say something that will ruin the magic." Dilbert slips and says, "I'm an engineer." She screams, "Aaaaargh! Kill me! Kill me!" He says, "I'll give you one kiss. No tongue."