Buying Company Comic Strips - Page 93

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932 Results for Buying Company

View 921 - 930 results for buying company comic strips. Discover the best "Buying Company" comics from Dilbert.com.

Work Harder Than Others

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Work Harder Than Others - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags motivation, business, employees, managers, work, success

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boss: the only way to succeed in this company is by working harder than everyone else. alice: wouldn't that mean only one person in the company can be successful? boss: i might need to rethink my motivational messages. dilbert: maybe save those for your dumber employees.

Ted Talks Creates A God

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Ted Talks Creates A God - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, mental, midget, ted talks, binge-watching, god, dumb, all knowing

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new hire: i must leave you mental midgets behind as i go start up my own company. i was once dumb like all of you. then i started binge-watching ted talks, and i evolved. dilbert: what are you now? new hire: some kind of god, i assume.

No More Id Badges

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No More Id Badges    - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, employment, i.d. badge, employees, freedom, tattoo, sarcasm, face mask

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boss: the company is considering no longer requiring employees to wear i.d. badges. asok yelling: yes! freedom! dilbert: too too. hold... hold... boss: ...in favor of permanent forehead tattoos. dilbert: always wait for the second part.

Lucky Profits

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Lucky Profits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bonus, business, compensation, executive, managers & supervisors, pandemic, sarcasm, technology, video conferencing, zoom, luck

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catbert to ceo: there's a problem with your executive compensation. the company made so much money during the pandemic, purely by luck, that your bonus would be ten million dollars. ceo: i earned it. catbert: you made zoom calls wearing only socks.

No Performance Reviews

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No Performance Reviews  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employment, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, technology, Political, social, opinions, ranking, acceptable

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boss in staff meeting: the company will no longer do performance reviews. from now on, you will be ranked on the acceptability of your political and social opinions. dilbert: do you have a list of acceptable opinions? boss: there will be no hints.

Ted And His Laptop

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Ted And His Laptop - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, employment, fired, laptop, technology

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boss: today is your last day with the company, ted. so i need your company laptop back. ted: or else what? you'll fire me twice? boss: let's say you're not officially fired until you return the laptop. ted: and if i don't bring it back, will i never be fired? boss: um...

Cock Fights

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Cock Fights - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, audit, disturbing, results, sales, department, cockfight, invitation, rooster

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dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered many disturbing things. for example, did you know that the sales department holds cockfights on the third floor every tuesday? boss: why have i never been invited? dogbert: you're not a rooster.

Audit Blackmail

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Audit Blackmail - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, business, audit, software, blackmail, free, network, money, dollars

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dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered a number of software vulnerabilities. for example, a blackmailer could take control of your network and make you pay a billion dollars to get it back. ceo: good work. what do we owe you? dogbert: the audit is free. i only did it to find ways to blackmail you.

Ted The First Gay And Disabled Person

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Ted The First Gay And Disabled Person - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, managers & supervisors, business, disabled, token, gay, homosexual, celebrate, employment

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boss: ted, the company wants to celebrate you as the first disabled gay person to hold this job. ted: but... i'm neither gay nor disabled. boss: the celebration is next week, so you have plenty of time to fix that.

Cut Pay For No Commute

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Cut Pay For No Commute - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, video call, commute, employment, wages, reduce, pocket, stealing, prison, innocent, laptop, coffee

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dilbert and boss on video call. boss: i've decided to reduce your pay because you no longer commute. when you pocket those savings, it is as if you are stealing from the company. dilbert: actually, it isn't like that at all. boss: everyone in prison says they're innocent too.