Converts Waste Into Penicillain Comic Strips - Page 93

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Converts Waste Into Penicillain

View 921 - 930 results for converts waste into penicillain comic strips. Discover the best "Converts Waste Into Penicillain" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Sent To Disable Elbonian Internet

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Sent To Disable Elbonian Internet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyance, #binary, #code, #coding, #developing countries, #frustration, #internet, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I have been sent to disable the Elbonian Internet as retaliation for hacking into our corporate network. Elbonian 1: Only our elites use the Internet. The rest of us don't care. Knock yourself out. Elbonian 2: Zero, zero, one, zero, one... Elbonian 3: I wish someone would just disable this thing.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reasoning, #excuse, #leadership, #Promotion, #promote

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't promote you because you didn't have an impact on anything important. Dilbert: How can I have an impact on important things when you put me on unimportant projects? Boss: That sounds like an excuse. Dilbert: What's the difference between an excuse and a great reason? Boss: It depends who says it. Leaders have great reasons when things don't work out, but losers just have excuses. Dilbert: So... you can turn my excuses into great reasons by promoting me? Boss: No, because I can't promote you. Dilbert: That sounds like an excuse.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #flirting, #romance, #privacy, #stalking, #creepy, #creeper, #gestures, #gifts, #coworkers

View Transcript

Transcript

The New Employee. Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert. I bought you a book. Woman: Okay, weird. Who buys gifts for new co-workers? And how did you know this is my favorite author? Dilbert: I asked one of the network guys to check your browser history. Catbert assured me that employees have no right to privacy. I heard that women like it when men put thought into a gift. I hope you appreciate my romantic gesture. Wally: Did she make a romantic gesture back? Dilbert: I choose to interpret it that way.

Health Sensor Predictes Death

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Health Sensor Predictes Death - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #invention, #success, #technology, #health monitor, #fitbit, #smart watch, #heart, #heart rate, #death, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: The health sensors you built into our smart watch prototype aren't working. According to your stupid sensors, my heart is going to stop beating in... Dilbert: Yay me!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #dying, #death, #health, #health tracker, #heart rate monitor, #ads, #scare, #fitbit, #smart watch, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The health sensors and predictive algorithms you built into our smart watch are too good. People are freaked out because it sends alerts to their phones when they have five minutes left to live. Dilbert: Isn't that useful? Boss: It was, until we started sending paid ads as alerts.

Dilbert Goes Into Hiding

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Goes Into Hiding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hiding, #forget, #forgotten, #forgot, #friendship, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Computer: This is Dilbert with an encrypted message from my hiding place from the government. Dogbert: Dilbert who? Dilbert: I only left yesterday!!! Dogbert: I don't like to dwell in the past.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #personality, #type, #introvert, #dominant, #submissive, #interpersonal, #relationship, #coworkers, #conflict, #argument, #competent, #magic, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: The reason we keep having conflicts is because of our personality types. You're an impulsive, dominant personality and I am more of a... Alice: Useless waste of space? Coworker: I was going to say I'm a reserved, introspective, people-pleaser. One personality type is not better than the another. We just see things differently. Alice: How do you explain the fact that I have never had a conflict with anyone who is competent. Coworker: Give me a minute to reflect on that. Alice: Let me know when you're done believing in magic.

Motivation Is Magical Thinking

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Motivation Is Magical Thinking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #magic, #inspiration, #futility, #futile, #honesty, #hard truth

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Motivation is a form of magical thinking in which you imagine that your words can turn useless people into high achievers. Boss: But it totally works, right? Dogbert: Yes, because magic is real. Boss: Is it hard to learn? Dogbert: Not if you already know how to lie.

Dilbert And The Prison Gang

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert And The Prison Gang - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prison, #lawyer, #attorney, #Advice, #plead, #trial, #crime, #murder, #technicality, #guilt, #legal

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Your brain stimulator invention turned you into a murderer. I will argue that you can't get a fail trial by jury of your peers because all of the people like you are already in jail for doing their own stupid stuff. And I signed you up for a prison gang. All you need to do is skin a snitch.

Nano Robots Are The New Health Plan

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Nano Robots Are The New Health Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #robots, #invention, #health, #big business, #corporation, #nanobot

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: We're replacing the employee health plan with nanorobot technology. We'll insert tiny medical robots into their lower digestive tracts to keep them healthy forever. Boss: So, our plan is to shove robots up... CEO: Only until the robots can replace them.