One Billion Comic Strips - Page 93

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View 921 - 930 results for one billion comic strips. Discover the best "One Billion" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2003's comic on:


Tags #unfunded man date, #my delivery, #no one laughs, #unemployed guy

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Tina: I went to a movie with an unemployed guy. I call that an unfunded man date. The unemployed guy didn't laugh either, Maybe its my delivery,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2003's comic on:


Tags #website, #customer success, #closest things, #complaint letters, #few words, #kick to kiss, #change context, #reviews, #technology

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"Tina, we need some customer success stories for the web site." "The closest things we have are these complaint letters. Just change a few words." "Change 'kick' to 'kiss' and this one is done, albeit disturbingly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2003's comic on:


Tags #budget request, #priority, #highest priority, #mockery, #low priority

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Asok: What is the priority of your budget request? Alice: Highest of the high. Asok: everyone rated their own budget needs "Highest Priority" It is a mockery f the priority system! Asok: Name one thing that everyone would agree is a low priority. Alice: whatever you're doing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2003's comic on:


Tags #huge galatians project, #disqualified, #one minute late, #future depends on win bid, #winning bid, #future of company, #can't be late, #line dancing sign

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"After months of work, I finished our bid for the huge galatikus project." "I'll deliver it to them." "If it's on minute late, we'll be disqualified. The future of our company depends on us winning this bid." "He must think I'm a... Whoa, what's this?" "Irish line dancing lessons 10% off."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2003's comic on:


Tags #created time line, #identified resources, #revise timeline, #re examine, #thousand ways, #haven't done anything

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Wally: "In only one week my project team has created a time line and identified the resources we need." "Next week, we plan to revise the time line and re-examine our resource needs." "Good work." "There must be a thousand ways to say I haven't done anything." "Wait.."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2003's comic on:


Tags #project manager, #returned calls, #emails, #mentally superior, #finished porject, #sleep national holidays

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Asok: "Since I became project manager, no one has returned my calls or responded to my e-mails." Asok: "Luckily, I'm an I.I.T. graduate, mentally superior to most people on Earth, so I finished the project myself." Wally: "Are you tired?" Asok: "I am trained to only sleep during national holidays."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2003's comic on:


Tags #audio lessons, #hundred million, #showing up, #performing ceo, #be the person, #buy audio lessons

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Dogbert: Would you like to make a hundred million dollars for just showing up at work? Dogbert: My audio lessons teach you how to become an underperforming CEO. $19.95 Step One: become A CEO> Step Two: Be the sort who would buy these audio lessons.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 2003's comic on:


Tags #ne whore, #break room, #pushy, #punchable, #met alice

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Man: "Hey, big guy, how's your golf game lately?" Dilbert: "I've only known you for three seconds and already I have a deep desire to punch you." Man: But no one ever does." Dilbert: "Have you met Alice?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2003's comic on:


Tags #new hire, #guy, #bothering workers, #love golf, #rain tomorrow, #plans, #sad paper body, #roll in salt, #scoring system

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Man: "I love golf. Golfing is fun. It's a good day to golf. Do you want to go golfing in the rain tomorrow at 6 A.M.?" Wally: "No, thanks. I have plans to sandpaper my entire body and roll around in salt." Man: "I hope no one ever creates a scoring system for that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 2003's comic on:


Tags #used coffee sirrer, #watsebacket, #not maid, #laziness

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Carol: "Hey! You left a used coffee stirrer on the counter!!!" Wally: "The wastebasket was one foot away! I am an associate not your maid!!!" "Behold the power of laziness." Carol: "So, I'll throw it away for you THIS TIME."