Hiring Smart People Comic Strips - Page 93
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1000 Results for Hiring Smart People
View 921 - 930 results for hiring smart people comic strips. Discover the best "Hiring Smart People" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday November 11,
2011
Tags #employees, #executives, #ignorance (knowledge), #technical details, #idea, #deciosns, #people involved, #pale and poorly dressed, #business
Transcript
Boss: Stop right there. Don't tell me the technical details of your idea. I make my decisions based on what I know about the people involved. Dilbert: You know less about me than you know about my idea. Boss: Is your idea pale and poorly dressed?
Monday November 14,
2011
Tags #biology, #chemistry, #practical jokers, #biotech field, #giving free flu shots, #stem cells, #science
Transcript
Man: I learned the hard way that a lot of people who work in the biotech field are practical jokers. I thought my company was giving free flu shots. Stupid stem cells.
Friday December 02,
2011
Tags #frustration, #joking, #project staus update, #improve listening skills, #repeating
Transcript
Boss: Alice, I need your project status update by end of day. Alice: Ahleth, ah wan yer proja thatuth updah, fuh-fuh-fuh. I'm trying to improve my listening skills by repeating what people say.
Saturday December 17,
2011
Tags #gadgets, #suspicion, #new smart ohone, #no truct, #own agenda, #paranoid, #recharge me, #threats from phone
Transcript
Boss: I don't trust my new smartphone. It understands spoken language. That's creepy. I think it has its own agenda. Catbert: You're being paranoid. Boss: Recharge me now or so help me jobs I will delete your contacts.
Wednesday January 04,
2012
Tags #suspicion, #thinking, #new information, #project scope, #anticipate, #think
Transcript
Dilbert: Based on this new information, you'll want to change our project scope. Boss: I don't do that. Dilbert: What? Think? Today I learned it's better if I don't try to guess what people mean.
Thursday January 05,
2012
Tags #smart people, #bad deciosns, #hubris, #prime candidate
Transcript
Boss: I've read that smart people make bad decisions because of their hubris. Catbert: Hubris? What is that? Boss: Beats me. But obviously I'm a prime candidate to get it.
Tuesday January 10,
2012
Tags #competition (psychology), #fish & aquatic mammals, #complaints, #shark, #doplphon, #robot, #patrol, #waters
Transcript
Boss: I'm hearing some complaints that you built a robot shark to patrol the soc-called territorial waters around your cubicle. Alice: It's a robot dolphin. I can see how people might be confused. I need you to smile more. Shark: Whatever.
Thursday January 12,
2012
Tags #gloating, #rich people, #leadership experts, #brag about weath, #comforatble
Transcript
Boss: Leadership experts say I should never brag about my wealth. Let's just say I'm "comfortable." So very, very comfortable. Alice: Yeah, this isn't working.
Sunday January 15,
2012
Tags #big business, #budget, #contract employees, #training budget, #training, #contractor budget
Transcript
Boss: Out budget for contact employees was eliminated. We'll have to pay you out of the training budget. So instead of doing the job yourself... you'll have to train Dilbert to do the job we're paying you to do. Dilbert: Why don't you just move some of the training budget to the contractor budget? Boss: If we reduce the training budget this year, we'll get less next year. Dilbert: So... you prefer paying two people to do the job of one? Boss: Right. Consultant: How do you stay in business? Boss: Our customers are even dumber than us.
Tuesday January 17,
2012
Tags #actions & defenses, #billion dollars, #business ethics, #golden key, #rich people, #top 1%, #flying unicorn
Transcript
Boss: Here's a billion dollars to settle your claim of discrimination against short, bald, nearsighted guys. Wally: I'm in the top 1% now. I wonder where we hold our secret meetings. Boss: Ask the tiny flying unicorn with the golden key.