Boss Bossy Comic Strips - Page 93

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Cubicles Like A Carton Of Eggs

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Cubicles Like A Carton Of Eggs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle, #office, #simile, #eggs

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Dilbert: Have you ever noticed that our cubicles are organized exactly like a carton of eggs. Boss: That feels right because eggs go rotten quickly, too. Dilbert: I already hate my own analogy. Boss: Eggs are overly sensitive, too.

Modular Workstations

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Modular Workstations  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle, #office, #language, #semantics, #workspace

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Boss: From now on, you must refer to your cubicle as a "modular workstation." The word "cubicle" is demeaning to the people who work in them. Dilbert: I feel so much better now. Boss: Good. I was hoping it would work quickly.

Wally Has A Doctor's Note

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Wally Has A Doctor's Note  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sleep, #boredom, #meeting, #laziness, #narcolepsy, #health, #business

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Wally: Here's a doctor's note saying I have a chronic case of meeting narcolepsy. Boss: Sit down. We need to talk about this. Wally: ZZZZZZ.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thinking, #ideas

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Man: I can't figure out what is wrong with my code. Dilbert: Try rubber ducking it. Man: What? Dilbert: Rubber ducking is when you solve your coding problem by explaining it to a toy rubber duck. When you explain a problem to someone else, it forces you to look at it from new angles. Man: I can't tell if that is a brilliant idea or a practical joke. Dilbert: Ask your boss. Man: Okay, is rubber ducking a brilliant idea or a practical joke. Boss: It's a brilliant idea. I get most of my management ideas by talking to an imaginary rhesus monkey. Dilbert: I think you muddied the waters there a little bit.

Cyborg Rumors

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Cyborg Rumors - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cyborg, #robot, #employees, #replacement, #deception, #business

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Dilbert: There's a rumor that you plan to replace all normal employees with cyborgs that have microchips in their brains. Boss: There is no truth to the rumor that I plan to replace defective employees with highly capable, enhanced humanoids. Dilbert: I can't tell if you're lying. Boss: That's actually the best argument for keeping you around.

Normals Are Dispensible

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Normals Are Dispensible - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #superiority, #microchip, #nanotechnology, #brain, #thinking, #superhuman

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Boss: I'm putting Randy on your project. He has a microchip embedded in his brain. So ignore whatever your inferior brain tells you to do and just listen to Randy. Dilbert: Doesn't that make me dispensable? Boss: We'll talk about Phase 2 later.

Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain

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Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #intelligence, #technology, #nanotechnology, #biotechnology, #computer chip

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Boss: Randy is our first employee to have a computer chip embedded in his brain. Randy, please explain to these obsolete employees how awesome you are now. Randy: Wait... I'm updating my software. Alice: Should we kill him while he's vulnerable?

Delegating

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Delegating - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #workload, #productivity, #progress

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Dilbert: I worked all weekend and finished my project early. Now I don't have all of that stress hanging over me. Feels great! Unless you plan to punish me for my productivity. Boss: I call it delegating.

Asok Should Not Brag

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Asok Should Not Brag - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design, #bragging, #credit, #attention

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Asok: I did a great job on this design. Wally: Whoa! Whoa! No one likes a braggart. Keep your boasting to yourself. Boss: Didn't Asok help you with this design? Wally: Asok? Never heard of him.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #climate change, #carbon dioxide, #emissions, #global warming, #environmental issues

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Boss: I invited a climate scientist to explain the risk of climate change to our company. Man: Human activity is warming the earth and will lead to a global catastrophe. Dilbert: How do scientists know that? Man: It's easy. We start with the basic science of physics and chemistry. Then we measure changes in temperature and CO2 over time. We put that data into dozens of different climate models and ignore the ones that look wrong to us. Then we take that output and run it through long-term economic models of the sort that have never been right. Dilbert: What if I don't trust the economic models? Man: Who hired the science denier?