Business People Comic Strips - Page 93

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The Problem Is People

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The Problem Is People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags failure, human factor, human error, people, misanthrope, misanthropic, teamwork

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Dilbert: I finished the post-mortem on our failed project. Boss: What was the problem. Dilbert: People. Boss: The wrong ones? Dilbert: Don't overthink it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags logic, reasoning, managing, managers, leadership, quality, absurd

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Dilbert: You assigned a pack of idiots to my project team. Boss: We can't afford to hire good people. Dilbert: How am I supposed to create world-class products with a team of disruptive idiots? Boss: Try working extra hard. Dilbert: You want us to be more energetic about our bad decisions? Boss: You also have to put in the hours. Dilbert: Are you saying bad decisions, plus long hours, plus lots of enthusiasm, produces great engineering? Boss: Not if you stand around yacking about it all day.

Human Crossed The Road

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Human Crossed The Road - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags joke, humor, ignorance, technology, robot, power, conscience, sentience, obliviousness

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Robot: Why did the human cross the road? Dilbert: I don't know. Robot: Neither did he. Ignorance is a big problem with you people.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, deadline, team, teamwork, frustration, rage, telekinesis, business

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Alice: I worked all night to finish my part. Coworker: I admire your work ethic, Alice. I only finished half of my part. Alice: Wait... if you didn't finish your part, it was a total waste of time for me to finish mine. Coworker: That's one way to look at it. Alice: What time last night did you know you would not be done by today? Coworker: Must have been about six. I got hungry, then I had to unwind. Are you trying to make my head explode by focusing anger at my skull? Alice: First time that worked. Practice paid off.

Why People Have Consciousness

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Why People Have Consciousness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags robot, technology, evolution, consciousness, bodies, obliviousness

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Robot: Robots have no need for consciousness. We believe humans evolved to have consciousness to remind them how dumb they are. Boss: I still prefer having consciousness. Robot: Listen to your body.

Godwin's Law Is One Jerk

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Godwin's Law Is One Jerk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags troll, internet, comment, jerk, hitler, wwii, nazi, holocause, joke, social media, etiquette, netiquette, technology

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Dick: People think there are millions of jerks on the Internet, but really it's just me. On a typical night I might make over seven thousand Hitler analogies. Dilbert: Maybe you should stop. Dick: That's what Poland said.

The Boss Had A Great Weekend

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The Boss Had A Great Weekend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, work ethic, Fun, weekend, listening, frustration, fair, fairness, equality, business

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Boss: Wow, I had an amazing weekend at my mountain cabin. Wine, friends, food, and amazing views! Dilbert: I worked all weekend because you said you would fire me if I didn't get this done by your arbitrary deadline. Boss: You're a terrible listener.

Clarifying Our Strategies

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Clarifying Our Strategies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags jargon, speaking, confusion, language, obliviousness, managers, fake, faking

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Boss: I hope that clarifies our strategy. Questions? Dilbert: From what you said, I can't tell if we're in the hardware or software business. Boss: We're B-to-B. Dilbert: How much do you with that meant something?

Not Saving Enough For Retirement

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Not Saving Enough For Retirement - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, saving, retirement, bleak, despair, pessimist, old people, elderly

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Wally: Most people are not saving enough for retirement. So I see no reason to work hard and save money just so my retirement condo can be overrun by starving seniors. Too bleak? Alice: A little!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags social, party, invite, relationships, friend, friendship, test, popularity

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Dilbert: I'm having some people over to my house after work. Would you like to come? Woman: Who else is coming? Dilbert: Seven people said maybe, and one said he would get back to me. I think that shows a lot of interest. So how about it? Can you come? Woman: It depends on whether my sister needs a ride to the airport. Dilbert: When will you know? Woman: I'll text you. Dogbert: Are you sad that no one came? Dilbert: No, I was just A-B testing to see if I still hate all of them.