Cd Rom Business Ard Comic Strips - Page 93

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, obliviousness, great leader, hires good people, no budget, micromanaging, half wits, afford, business

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Boss: A great leader hires good people and gives them the freedom to do their jobs. But I don't have the budget to hire good people, so I settle for micromanaging the half-wits I can afford. Catbert: Your boss was just in here saying the same thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags creativity, fear, insubordination, managers & supervisors, stay out of trouble, business

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Boss: How's your creativity coming along? Dilbert: I don't have any. Your management style makes me focus all of my energy on staying out of trouble. Boss: Your insubordination is unacceptable! Dilbert: And there it is.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, complaining, delegate, match employees, meeting, work ethic, apology, terrible job, business

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Wally: As I understand it, your job is to match employees with the right assignments. None of my projects turned out well, which means you did a terrible job. I'm not asking for an apology. Just follow your conscience.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gratitude, managers & supervisors, work ethic, great leadership, project, useful things, good work, greedy, business

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Boss: I'd like to thank myself for my great leadership on the project. Some of you did useful things, too, but only because I threatened to fire you if you didn't. So don't let it go to your heads. Catbert: I hope you didn't tell them they did good work. Boss: No, that makes them greedy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags eating & drinking, engineers, etiquette & ethics, crone, etiquette class, fork, teach things

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Boss: I hired a desiccated crone to teach an etiquette class to you engineering heathens. She'll help you stop eating your business lunches like kidnap victims. Crone: When do you use this fork? Alice: When I'm too lazy to make a shiv?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, discussion, clear expectations, revising them, faulty, inspiring

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Boss: The key to great leadership is setting clear expectations and periodically revising them as conditions change. Dilbert: If you plan to revise expectations, that tells me you know them to be faulty now. Boss: Maybe. Wally: Stop inspiring me so much.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, managers & supervisors, work ethic, employees work harder, caring managers, sausage casing, business

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Boss: According to studies, employees will work harder if they think their managers care about them. But that's hard for me because you're basically a sausage casing full of coffee and rotting organs. Dilbert: That must have stung. Wally: Less than you'd think.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, deception, trolls, annual budget, mystery, meeting, monsters, office, conference table, horns, business

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Boss: I'd like you to meet the two trolls who create our annual budget. Dilbert: Why do we need two of them? Troll: Because it's hard to reach into your own... Boss: Whoa! It's better to keep some mystery.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, demand solutions, layer of management, managers & supervisors, solutions not complaints, business

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Boss: Bring me solutions, not complaints. Dilbert: Okay. Let's abolish the layer of management that does nothing but demand solutions. Boss: Now you're just being a jerk. Dilbert: Is that a complaint?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, progress, policy, promote from within, better plans, business

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Boss: Our policy is to promote from within. Dilbert: How will you backfill the jobs of the people you promoted? Boss: From within. Dilbert: That's one of your better plans.