Check Out Ass Comic Strips - Page 93

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Check Out Ass

View 921 - 930 results for check out ass comic strips. Discover the best "Check Out Ass" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #new engineer, #cheap, #huge raise, #under budget, #static electricity, #fuzzy cute, #dead now

View Transcript

Transcript

Title reads: "Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert is at his desk. He says to Dilbert, "I hired a new engineer for your project." Catbert unveils the new engineer. He is a joke. His tongue hangs out of his mouth, his eyes are wide, his collar is up and one side of his shirt is untucked. Catbert says, "He's never been an engineer before." Dilbert listens as Catbert continues, "But YOU'RE an engineer, so how hard could it be?" Catbert adds, "And he's cheap! I'll get a huge raise for being under budget." Dilbert is getting furious. Catbert exclaims, "And your project will fail! Ha Ha Ha Ha!" As the new engineer reaches towards him, Catbert realizes, "Uh-oh. I laughed myself full of static electricity." The new engineer thinks, "Fuzzy. Cute." and pets Catbert. "Zap!" Dilbert, standing over the body of the new engineer, asks, "He's dead. Now what?" Catbert replies, "I guess you'll have to drag him to the meetings."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #email two copies, #fax, #green paper, #email, #files, #hard copy, #internet, #motivation gone, #losing consciousness, #lazy employees, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands at the boss' desk. The boss says, "e-mail two copies to me when you're done." Dilbert says, "Two copies? It's e0mail." The boss says, "So?" Dilbert says, "Never mind. I'll e-mail two copies." The boss says, "and fax a copy in green paper for my files." Dilbert says, "Green? It's a fax!" The boss walks Dilbert out of his office and says, "And bring me a hard copy of the internet so I can do some serious surfing." Dilbert begins to faint in the doorway. Dilbert thinks, "Motivation.... gonve.. losing consciousness.." Dilber joins the pile of passed out employess by the boss' door. The boss thinks, "How did I end up with all the lazy employees?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #story ever end, #purchase silence, #fist of death, #two warning system

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted, Alice and Wally sit in a meeting. Ted says, "But then I.." Alice taps Ted on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me." Alice says, "Does your story EVER end? Or must I purchase your silence with my fist of death?" Alice walks out of the meeting with Ted's still stuck to her arm. Alice says, "I might have to go to a two-warning system."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bathrobe, #30% raise, #dont quit, #terry cloth rebel

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert wears a bathroom and carries a briefcase. Dilbert walks by the boss. The boss thinks, "A bathrobe! This can only mean he found out how much market power an engineer has." The boss says, "I'll give you a 30% raise if you don't quit!!" Dilbert says, "Um.. okay." A women with several piercings says, "Take me, you terry-cloth rebel."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quick question, #innocent work realted, #question, #try to impress, #knowledge of engineering, #pathetic hope, #value, #intelligence, #physical appearence, #red bmw, #lights on

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert peeks into a women's cube. Dilbert says, "Can I ask you a question?" She says, "I doubt it." She says, "Oh, sure it'll start as an innocent work-realted question." She says, "Then you'll try to impress me with your knowledge of engineering..." She says, "... in the pathetic hope that I value intelligence over physical appearance." She stands up and says, "Well, I don't!! I only care about looks!" Dilbert says, "Do you drive a red BMW? The lights are on." Dilbert sits in a robe on the couch. Dogbert says, "And you still tried to ask her out?" Dilbert says, "She's hard to read."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #almost back, #date, #attach tracking device, #run down alley, #leaves, #different opinions

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks along the sidewalk with a date. She says, "Well, we're almost back to my place." She says, "Thanks for the date. I can make it from here." Dilbert reaches out and thinks, "I'd better attach the tracking device." She thinks, "I'll run down that alley and hide until he leaves."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #clip on ear, #hurts, #double check, #called pager, #on ear

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss stands behind Wally who sits at his computer. The boss has his pager clipped to his ear and says, "Wally, are you sure this kind of pager is supposed to clip on my ear?" The boss says, "It hurts. Maybe you can call someone to double-check." Wally says, "Good idea." and dials a number. The boss flinches in pain as his pager buzzes. Wally says, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #few upgrades to design, #realize engineer, #graduate of liberal arts, #college, #broad exposure, #modern renaissance, #timing circuit, #moby dick, #charles dickens, #engineering classes, #poor engineers, #work is small, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss hands Alice a piece of paper. He says, "I made a few upgrades to your design, Alice." Alice turns and says, "Do you realize you're not an engineer?" The Boss replies, "I'm better! I'm a well-rounded graduate of a liberal arts college." The Boss continues, "The broad exposure to diverse topics made me what I am today." The Boss says, "A modern renaissance man." Alice says, "You scribbled out my timing circuit and wrote in 'Moby Dick by Charles Dickens.'" The Boss says, "Exactly! I'll bet you didn't learn THAT in your engineering classes." The Boss walks away and thinks, "Poor engineers; there world is so small."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hidden camera, #capture theief, #raining cubicles, #human form, #grainy picture

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert slips a tape into a VCR as the boss watches. Dilbert says, "I used a hidden camera to capture the thief who's been raiding our cubicles." The picture on the TV screen is the boss. The boss says, "The picture is grainy but I can almost make out a human form... or maybe a cat."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lost two pounds, #less of you, #happy, #scrap of encouragemnet, #tapped out

View Transcript

Transcript

It's the morning, Dilbert wears his robe. Dogbert reads the newspaper. Dilbert says, "I lost two pounds!" Dogbert says, "I'm happy. Guess why." Dilbert says, "Because you're supportive?" Dogbert says, "Because there's less of you." Dilbert says, "I was hoping for a scrap of encouragement." Dogbert says, "I'm all taooed out. Try back tommorrow."