Help People Comic Strips - Page 93

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2002's comic on:


Tags #open door policy, #ruining happiness, #complain, #morale inspiring, #body language, #protective bubble, #stressed out scowl, #stop by, #insincere

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The Boss tells Catbert, "My open door policy is ruining my happiness." The Boss continues, "People stop by all day long and complain." The Boss asks, "How can I maintain the morale-inspiring illusion of an open door policy without actually having one?" Catbert responds, "Use your body language to create a protective bubble of unwelcomness." Catbert clenches his teeth and makes a hostile face. He says, "Try this stressed- out scowl." Dilbert asks Carol, "Can I poke my head in?" Carol responds, "Sure. He has an open door policy." Dilbert enters to find both The Boss and Catbert with stressed-out scowls. The Boss says, "It's a pleasure to see you." Catbert says, "We value your input." Dilbert runs away exclaiming, "Ay-yi-yi-yi!!" The Boss and Catbert poke their heads around the corner, still with stressed-out scowls. The Boss says, "Stop by any time."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 2002's comic on:


Tags #numbers down, #reorganize dept, #history for compariosn, #fire people, #save money

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A female employee asks The Boss, "Our numbers are way down. What should we do?" The Boss replies, "Reorganize the department so there's no valid history for comparison." The Boss continues, "Then we'll fire a few people and give ourselves awards for saving money." The employee scrunches up her paper and mutters, "El Diablo."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2002's comic on:


Tags #staff meetings, #late for meetings, #ten minutes, #stupid stuff, #fine work, #noticing

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Can anyone tell me why everyone is always late for my staff meetings?" Alice responds, "Because the first ten minutes are always stupid stuff like 'What are people late?'" Dilbert turns to Alice and says, "Alice, that was some of your finest work." Alice responds, "Thank you for noticing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2002's comic on:


Tags #new house, #next week, #heavy objects, #help, #cares about career, #professional companies exist, #move things, #wonderful system, #mobile home, #trailer

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Dilbert is sitting in his cubicle. The Boss approaches and says, "I'm moving to a new house next week." The Boss continues, "I have lots of heavy objects that need to be moved." The Boss continues, "I wonder who will help me." The Boss continues, "Maybe it will be someone who cares about his career." Dilbert turns and asks, "Did you know that professional moving companies exist?" Dilbert continues, "It's true. You give them money and they move your heavy things." Dilbert continues, "It's a wonderful system. You should look into it." The Boss says to Carol, "And maybe you can bring your trailer." Carol exclaims, "It's a mobile home!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2002's comic on:


Tags #downsized, #info, #last day, #projects, #right away, #soon enough, #90 days

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The Boss hands Dilbert a stack of papers and says, "Here are some projects to finish before your last day." Dilbert responds, "But.. I'll have to interact with people who know I've been downsized." The Boss replies, "Hee Hee!" A coworker mocks Dilbert, "I'll get this information to you right away. Is ninety days soon enough?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2001's comic on:


Tags #morale boosting, #great idea, #first meeting

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The Boss says to Carol, "Carol, I want you to help me put together a morale boosting event." Carol responds, "Great idea. And after that maybe I can do CPR on a mummy and see if I can save its life." The Boss responds, "Our first meeting will be Tuesday." Carol exclaims, "Do you hear what I'm saying?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 2001's comic on:


Tags #innovative design firm, #observe methods, #steal from them, #secret, #hiring smart people, #involves easles

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "We've hired the world's most innovative design firm." The Boss continues, "We'll observe their successful methods and steal them for our own. Heh Heh Heh." Dilbert turns to The Boss and says, "Maybe their secret is hiring smart people." The Boss responds, "I'm hoping it involves easels."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 2001's comic on:


Tags #be a threat, #Dogbert, #recruitment agency, #clueless people, #bad hair, #cadaver program

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Dogbert stands on The Boss' desk. Dogbert says, "You need to hire people who won't be a threat to you." Dogbert hands The Boss a pamphlet and says, "The Dogbert Recruiting Agency specializes in the placement of clueless people with bad hair." The Boss replies, "I don't know... They still look threatening." Dogbert says, "Perhaps I can interest you in our cadaver program."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 2001's comic on:


Tags #scheduling a meeting, #week include, #using conference room, #milled around, #used another room

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The Boss, Wally, and Dilbert are in a meeting. Wally says, "My accomplishments for the week include scheduling a meeting." Wally continues, "But some people were using the conference room so we milled around for a while and gave up." The Boss responds, "You could have used another room." Wally replies, "What part of 'gave up' is confusing you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2001's comic on:


Tags #layoffs, #cruel to fire friday, #employee appreciation day, #employee of the month, #evil catbert

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Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. The Boss asks, "When should we do the layoffs?" Catbert responds, "Experts say that Friday is the cruelest day of the week to fire people." Catbert continues, "So let's do it Friday." The Boss responds, "Friday is our Employee Appreciation Day." Catbert gasps, "Ah-Ah Ah-Wooo!!!" The Boss is alarmed. He asks, "What was that?" Catbert responds, "You don't want to know." The Boss hands an award to an employee and says, "Congratulations on being named Employee of the Month." The Boss continues, "Now.. you know how some months are shorter than others?" Catbert gasps, "Ah-ah wooo!!"