Know Cost Comic Strips - Page 93
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The boss meets with Wally and Dilbert. The boss says, "Our executives have started their annual strategic planning sessions." The boss says, "This involves sitting in a room with inadequate data until an illusion of knowledge is attained." The boss says, "Then we'll reorganize. because that's all we know how to do!" Wally says, "Have you tried it with a magazine?
Dilbert works on a computer with a screwdriver. A stupid looking man offers Dilbert a piece of wood with a nail in it. The dumb man says, "I didn't know how to design a power supply, so I put a nail in a piece of wood." The man says, "I'm on vacation tomorrow, so I'll give you my files in case you need to make changes." Dilbert holds the wood and looks mad. The stupid man says, "Once I had he idea, it all came together pretty quickly."
Dilbert is in the boss' office. The boss says, "Make your report consistent with our strategic plan." Dilbert says, "What's out strategic plan?" The boss says, "It's a secret." Dilbert says, "Are you saying you don't trust me?" The boss says, "I don't think it's a coincidence that most employee sabotage is done by employees." Dilbert says, "How can I do my report if I don't know the strategy?! The boss says, "Okay, okay. I'll let you glance at it." The boss pulls a piece of paper out of his desk. The boss barely lets Dilbert see the paper. The boss says, "Time's up! That's long enough!" Dilbert says, "That's the warranty for your chair." The boss says, "Really? I've been managing to this for years."
Dilbert walks by the security desk with a computer part under his arm. The guard says, "Stop." The guard says, "Show me your "equipment removal authorization form." Dilbert shows him a piece of paper. The guard says, "This requires the signature of TWO employees." Dilbert hands the guard a pen and says, "Good catch. You'd better sign it so it's legal." The guard says, "This seems wrong... but I don't know why why." Dilbert says, "And I'll need to see your birth certificate" The guard says, "I don't have one." Dilbert says, "Then how do you know you were born?" The guard thinks, "I have baby pictures, but they could have been doctored by my alleged mom."
Wally walks into Dilbert's cubicle holding a huge bag of money. Wally has long hair pulled back into a ponytail. Wally says, "Venture capitalists gave me money to start a web-based business." Dilbert says, "Do they know that you're lazy and dishonest?" Wally says, "It didn't come up." Dilbert says, "What'll you create... besides accounting irregularities?" Wally says, "That's all I have the energy for."
Dogbert sits on the couch reading a book. Dilbert says, "I set up a date with the supermodel I met on the internet." Dogbert says, "Supermodels don't look good in person." Dilbert says, "That's silly." Dilbert stands at the supermodels open door. Dilbert holds flowers. The supermodel is a skeleton with a little hair. The supermodel says, "I don't know how to use a vase. Do you mind if I throw those in the trash?"
The boss gives Wally and Dilbert a piece of paper. The Boss says, "I did some financial modeling on my own." Wally says, "But you didn't know any of the assumptions that went into the original spread sheet." The Boss says, "That didn't stop me from developing a strategy." Dilbert says, "Our pay is based on the tax rate now."
Caption: "Microsoft Headquarters" A preppy man stands in front of a large desk. The person behind the desk (Bill Gates) can't be seen. Preppy man says, "We misspelled a word in our spellchecking software." Gates says, "You know what to do." Preppy man says, "Um.. use our market power to make the new word an industry standard?" Bill Gates says, "And....?" Preppy man says, "Kill myself as an example to others?" Gates says, "In our booth at "Comdex"."
Alice sits at the computer. The Boss hands her a rock. The boss says, "Alice, you're the first recipient of the motivational "stone of quality"." The boss says, "It cost a thousand dollars to have it engraved. It's my way of saying "thanks"." The boss lies on the floor with a large bump on his head. Two cops lean over him. Alice peers around the corner. One of the cops, "There's no weapon, but I found this cool motivational rock."
Tim stands at the front of the room. He says, "Welcome to the mandatory Windows NT class." Ted points to an easel with the words "Two weeks" written on it. "Personally, I've only been using a computer for...how long? Anyone?" Ted continues, "But a good trainer can teach any subject." Ted raises his hands over his head and says, "Okay, everyone stand up and stretch!" Ted continues to hold his arms over his head and says, "Or sit there and glare at me. That's good too." Ted holds a box upside down and says, "I forgot to reserve the room with the computers, so I'll use this box." Ted continues, "...and let's say this eraser is the moose." Dilbert sits with Dogbert on the couch and says, "I left when he told us to use our teeth as a keyboard." Dogbert says, "Ooh-yah."