Never Leave Office Comic Strips - Page 93

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #worker, #office, #wrong path, #precise verbal explanation, #embarrassment of undoing, #good plan, #progress, #mistreatment of workers, #corrupt policices, #bad boss

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The Boss: "Dilbert, I need you to do something, but I don't have time to fully explain it." "I'll give you just enough information to send you down the wrong path." "Later, after you do it wrong. I'll treat you like you're some sort of idiot." "Then I'll put you through the embarrassment of undoing everything you did." "This might not sound like a good plan to you." "But it takes the task off of my plate and puts it on yours." "That's called progress." Dilbert: "Today I helped make progress." Garbageman: "Better luck tomorrow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #family friendly policy, #implemented, #children, #parents, #needs of family, #school, #sick, #rugby game, #denta;appoitments, #responsibility of parent, #surprised, #Family, #education, #medical

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Carol: "I'd like to take advantage of our new family friendly policy." "Three of my kids have bronchitis, two have dental appointments, one is in a school play, and one has a rugby game." "In all likelihood, you will never see me again." The boss: "We didn't think this through."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #borrow pen, #need pen, #order pen, #order pens, #parasitic arrangement, #supplies, #stingy, #selfish, #dysfunctional offcie, #office supplies, #fill out form

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Dilbert: "Can I order some pens?" Carol: "No, it's impossible." "You need a pen to fill out the pen request form. And if you have a pen, you're not allowed to order one." Dilbert: "Maybe I could borrow your pen." Carol: "That sounds like some sort of parasitic arrangement."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bar code scanner, #lab tests, #capital budget, #varainace, #three bids, #form a team, #purchase order, #quitters

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"I need a $1,600 handheld bar code scanner to finish my lab tests." "Okay. Apply for a capital budget variance, prepare an RFP, get three bids, form a team to evaluate the bids, then prepare a purchase order." "Never mind. I'll just learn how to read bar codes by sight." "Quitter."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rebalance 401k, #new starategy, #element of surprise

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The Boss: Our new strategy has never worked for anyone before. "That will give us the element of surprise." "Let's get started!" Dilbert: "Can I rebalance my 401(k) first?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #be sick, #in advance, #not know, #scheduled, #sick days

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources CatBert: "From now on, all sick days must be scheduled in advance." Alice: "That's ridiculous. how are we supposed to know when we're going to be sick?" "Tomorrow." Catbert: "I hired a guy who never washes his hands to help you with scheduling."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #2 hours late, #work late, #alleged loyalty, #company loyalty

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The Boss: "Wally, it's ten o'clock. You're supposed to start at eight." Wally: "That's because I plan to work for two unverifiable hours after you leave tonight." "My alleged loyalty to this company is second to none."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #high priority tasks, #launched, #abyss of total nothingness, #never talk about you

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Dilbert: Today I complete my high priority tasks and launched them into the miasma. "There they will rot from neglect while I draw closer to the abyss of eternal nothingness." Ratbert: "I have an idea. Let's never talk about you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcart for president, #decisons, #based on polls, #single thing, #called leadership

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Dogbert for president Dogbert: As president, I will not make decisions based on polls." "In fact, I won't give you a single thing that you want. That's called leadership." "I'll never understand why that works." Audience: "yay!" clap! clap! clap! clap! clap!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #org chart, #personal problems, #appendix, #health, #excuse, #drama

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The Boss, "Carol, did you update the org chart yet?" Carol: "No. I kept waiting for it to become more important than my personal problems. But it just never happened." The Boss: "how about right now?" Carol: "Ouch! I think that's my appendix!"