Take The Job Comic Strips - Page 93

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags high crime area, fiduciary, misconducting, cfo, kicked, beat up

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Alice: "I hate walking to work in this high-crime area." "Take this, you fiduciary misconducting *#@!%" "That was our C.E.O."<Br>"I know."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rat problem, reporting, rat bait, unwashed, job satisfaction, calling names, being mean

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Carol: We're having a problem with the rats in the office. " You might want to upgrade your level of hygiene from "rat bait" to "unwashed."" "I think I just felt my first tingle of job satisfaction."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting in elbonia, take a class, culture, accidentally offend, hello, gestures, 2 meaning gestures

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"Wally, I want you to attend a meeting for me... It's in Elbonia." "First, you'll need to take a class on their culture so you won't accidently offend them." "This gesture either means "Hello" or "I'd like to see your mittens on my bedroom floor , baby.""

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Tags pre meeting, problems, fix them, budgets, deadlines, technical stuff, any questions, feel nauseated, great job, compliments

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Let's have a pre-meeting before your meeting with our vice president. "Don't mention any problems because he might try to fix them." "Don't say anything about budgets or deadlines because he might reduce them." "Leave out the technical stuff because it will only confuse him." "That leaves me nothing to talk about." "Perfect!" "Hello... And in summary. Are there any questions?" "Wow! That's the first presentation that hasn't made me feel nauseated or dizzy! Great job!" "Why does success make me hate humanity?" "They deserve it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags vacation schedule, more than accrued, actual vacation, remain upbeat, quit, quit on vacation, slavery

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"Here's my vacation schedule." "Good." "Whoa! You're planning to take more vacation days than you've accrued." "It's okay because I'll accrue the days before the actual vacation." "No can do. What if you quit before then?" "I'm literally afraid to hear the answer to that question." "Think, man! If you quit and have vacation at the same time..." "I'LL BE DOWN TWO PEOPLE!!!" "It's hard to remain upbeat." "Do you still live here?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags tina trains, new boss, uniformed decions, sociopathic ego maniac, like to fidget

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Tina trains her boss Tina: You'll find me in this chair. doing real work. Tina: your job, as I understand it, is to make uninformed decisions and act like a sociopathic egomaniac, Tina: you'll usually stand like this. I also like to fidget and harrumph.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags slow computer, uogarde, cost benefit analysis, vice president approval

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Dilbert: "My computer is too slow. I need to upgrade it." The Boss: "I need a cost benefit analysis including the cost of all alternatives, and vice president approval." Dilbert: "It was easier to get a second job and pay for the upgrade myself."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags combined, dating service, online job site, system

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"I combined an online dating service with an online job site and an online auction site." "You tell the system everything about yourself and see if anyone wants any of it." ""I wouldn't date you or hire you, but I'll bid a dollar for your refrigerator.""

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Tags objectives are vague, unmeasurable, not inspired, achieve full ptential, bad job

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"I am concerned because my objectivess are vague and unmeasurable." "As a result, I am not inspired to achieve my full potential... and... um..." "Did I just say I'm doing a bad job and ask you to punish me?" "That's what I heard."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags online ereume, older chubby men, key words, married men, job offers, cousin, Advice, one line job hunting

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"I wasn't getting any responses to my online resume until I inserted some key words." "I said I'm strangely attracted to older, chubby, married men with coffee-stained teeth." "That is wrong on so many levels." "Explain that to my six thousand job offers."