Tell Each Employee Comic Strips - Page 93

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Tell Each Employee

View 921 - 930 results for tell each employee comic strips. Discover the best "Tell Each Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #goal set, #illadvised, #impossible goal, #life, #other people, #whats wrong life

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits opposite The Boss' desk and hears The Boss say, "You have failed to meet a goal set by our CEO." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Do you mean the impossible goal, the ill-advised one, or the one you didn't tell me about?" Carrying his briefcase, Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I figured out what's wrong with life: It's other people."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #83% spat, #customer satisfaction survey, #the lucky ones, #died of dehydration, #results of survey

View Transcript

Transcript

A female employee says to The Boss and Wally, "The results of our customer satisfaction survey are in." The female employee says, "83% spat at their telephones until they died of dehydration." Asok the Intern, The Boss and Wally listen as the female employee continues, "We're calling that group 'The Lucky Ones'."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elboninan fullfillment, #service, #thwart, #300 times, #string phones, #mud pile, #pig, #laughing, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Two Elbonians each have a tin can with string held up to their ears. One Elbonian says, "This is the Elbonian Fulfillment Service. How may I thwart you?" The Elbonians continue listening to their tin cans. One Elbonian hears, "Grunt grunt grunt grunt grunt." The Elbonian holds his tin can away from his ear and says to the pig, "Okay, it wasn't funny the first 300 times either."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #outsourced sales, #elbonian company, #complex technology, #bad string, #call back, #mud pile

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We outsourced our sales and fulfillment functions to an Elbonian company." Wally looks at Dilbert as Dilbert asks, "Um... Are you sure that's the best way to sell complex technology?" Three Elbonians and a pig each are holding a tin can with string to their ears. One Elbonian says, "Could you call back? We have a bad string."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ad agency, #creative team, #peter peters, #robert roberts, #holly hollister

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally looks on as The Boss introduces some new people. The Boss says, "I'd like you to meet our ad agency's creative team." Presenting 2 men and a woman, each of whom has a goatee, The Boss says, "Pete Peters, Robert Roberts, and Holly Hollister." Pete Peters says, "Witty remark, anyone?" Dilbert looks on as Robert Roberts says nothing and Holly Hollister says, "I've got nothing."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee personality prefremces, #styles of thinking, #solve problems, #moral and values, #randy is idiot, #illogical, #menacing

View Transcript

Transcript

A female employee says, "I have the results of the Employee Personality Type Preferences." Dilbert, sitting at a table with Randy and Alice, says, "Remind me again why we're doing this." The female employee says, "Your teamwork will be better when you understand that you have different styles of thinking." Randy sits and listens as the female employee says to Dilbert, "For example, Dilbert prefers to use logic to solve problems." Dilbert looks at Randy as the female employee says, "But Randy relies more heavily on morals and values to solve problems." Randy's eyes grow wide as Dilbert says, "That sounds like a fancy way of saying Randy is an idiot." Dilbert and Alice look at Randy as Randy says, "Oh, yeah? Well, I might be an idiot but you're illogical." Dilbert and Alice pat Randy on the shoulders as Randy says, "That didn't sound as menacing as I had hoped." Dilbert says, "It's okay." Alice says, "We understand."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation fairy, #magic wand, #enjoy working, #utter futility, #wally myth, #spell, #cast

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally is sitting at his computer. A small winged person, hovering in the air behind him, says, "Hello, employee. I'm the Motivation Fairy." Wally sits up and listens as the Fairy says, "My magic wand will make you enjoy working despite the utter futility." Wally turns to the Fairy and says, "Knock yourself out." The Fairy replies, "Wally?! Gaa! I thought you were a myth!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #exceeding expectations, #padding objectives, #whistle blower, #award

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "As you know, I'm the only employee who is not exceeding expectations." Wally says, "You should punish the others for unscrupulously padding their objectives! Those lying weasels!!" Wally asks The Boss, "Can I get a Whistle-Blower Award for this?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfromance review, #say its good, #rub in face, #expectations

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert asks The Boss, "Is that what you wanted?" The Boss answers, "I'm not saying." The Boss says to Dilbert, "If I tell you it's good, you'll rub it in my face at your performance review." Dilbert says, "I'm sorry." The Boss says, "See how you are?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #staying real, #keeping to core, #good, #duuude, #say thing, #no meaning

View Transcript

Transcript

A male employee says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, my man, you're stayin' real and keepin' to the core." Dilbert asks, "Is that good?" The employee says, "I don't even know what it means." Dilbert asks, "Why do you say things that have no meaning?" The employee answers, "Du-u-u-de!"