False Hope Business Comic Strips - Page 93

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View 921 - 930 results for false hope business comic strips. Discover the best "False Hope Business" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2010's comic on:


Tags #customers, #product design, #dumb, #hat, #monkey, #software, #meeting, #computer, #annoyed, #technology, #animals, #business, #engineering

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The Boss says, "We need to get our customers more involved in the product design cycle." Dilbert says, "We only have customers who are too dumb to check product reviews online." The Boss says, "Do it anyway." Customer says, "Can it wear a hat like a monkey?" Dilbert says, "For the millionth time, software can't wear clothes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2010's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #survey, #benefits, #human resources, #business

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CATBERT: EVIL DIRECTOR OF HUMAN RESOURCES Catbert says, ?According to the employee survey, you want fewer benefits.? Dilbert says, ?I don't remember doing a survey.? Catbert says, ?We polled a random sample.? Dilbert says, ?That seems a bit suspicious.? Catbert says, ?In other findings, you want more verbal abuse.?

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Share January 26, 2010's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #acid, #vat, #toxic fumes, #standing on chair, #scared, #business

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CATBERT: EVIL DIRECTOR OF HUMAN RESOURCES Catbert says, ?Ted, I'm transferring you to a job with a higher risk of industrial accidents.? Catbert says, ?Your job will involve reaching over a vat of acid while wearing no safety harness.? Ted says, ?Why do we have a vat of acid?? Catbert says, ?Because toxic fumes take forever.?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #hire, #consultant, #raise morale, #pointless, #magic, #feel good, #business

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The Boss says, "I hired a consultant to raise your morale by making you glad you're not him." Ratbert says, "No one loves me. My life is pointless. I eat old soap." The Boss says, "Now let the magic begin." Dilbert says, "I feel good about not eating old soap." Ratbert says, "Cha!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #letter, #ceo, #reading, #good fortune, #share, #winery, #wine, #angry, #helicopters, #human chess board, #frighten, #dwarves, #business

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The Boss says, "Our CEO wants to share his good fortune with all employees." The Boss says, "He invites all of you to visit his winery and buy his non-award-winning wine at nearly retail prices." The Boss says, "He asks that you not park your helicopters near his human chess board because it frightens the dwarves."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2010's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #dead, #ductwork, #stuck, #meeting, #discuss, #solution, #cool device, #duct pressure, #carcass, #jerry maguire, #business

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Dilbert says, "Our pointy-haired boss is stuck in our building's ductwork and presumed dead." Dilbert says, "We can alert the proper authorities, or we can design a totally cool device to increase the duct pressure and propel his carcass into the stratosphere." Alice says, "You had me at 'carcass.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2010's comic on:


Tags #dead, #afterlife, #evicted, #management, #teach, #learn, #consultant, #devil, #late, #status report, #locusts, #business

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The Boss says, "Technically, I was dead for a week. But I was evicted from the afterlife and had to come back." The Boss says, "The afterlife has a lot to teach us about management. I brought home a consultant." Dilbert says, "I might be late with my status report." The Boss says, "Do you know what locusts taste like?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 2010's comic on:


Tags #ombudsman, #devil, #helen fry, #job, #management, #complaint, #issue, #pitchfork, #business

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The Boss says, "Helen, we're looking for a new ombudsman. Your experience in the afterlife makes you an ideal candidate." Helen says, "I'll take the job. But call me Mrs. Fry." Asok says, "I have an issue with management." The Boss says, "Go to Helen Fry." Yes, I know it's an old joke

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2010's comic on:


Tags #helen fry, #ombudsman, #devil, #no pupils, #blank eyes, #soul, #take, #marketing, #meeting, #asset, #volunteer, #excited, #raise hand, #lie, #business

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Asok says, "Our ombudsman took my soul in exchange for a favorable view." Asok says, "I'd like a transfer to marketing, where having no soul is widely considered an asset." Man says, "I need someone who can make our product sound competitive without vomiting on his own copy." Asok says, "Ooh! Ooh!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #soul, #lost, #google search, #ritual sacrifice, #no pupils, #business

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Asok Lost His Soul Asok says, "We can improve our Google search ranking with key words, inbound links and?" Asok says, "?Ritual sacrifice of a?" Asok says, "I think it's down to you or me." Coworker says, "What are you implying?"