Figured Out Comic Strips - Page 93
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1000 Results for Figured Out
View 921 - 930 results for figured out comic strips. Discover the best "Figured Out" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday February 26,
2013
Tags #mathematics, #patents, #patent infreingement, #jury duty, #award
Transcript
Lawyer: A small company is suing us for patent infringement. We'll be fine unless the court somehow finds twelve citizens who aren't smart enough to get out of jury duty yet are inexplicably able to do math. Juror: We recommend an award of whatever the square root of 22 over zero is.
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Thursday March 14,
2013
Tags #frustration, #office workers, #meaningful work, #gone for a week, #labor camp
Transcript
Dilbert: I got kicked out of a North Elbonian labor camp for working too hard. It was the first time I had ever experienced meaningful work and I got carried away. Boss: And your name is...? Dilbert: Seriously? I was gone for one week!
Saturday March 30,
2013
Tags #road map, #strengthen core, #real work, #manage, #waste inspiration
Transcript
The Boss: we need to follow our startegy road map and strengthen our core to become the provider of choice. Dilbert: Do you mind if I go do some real work whole you stay here and mange your brains out? Dilbert: I don't want to waste all of you inspiration you just gave me. Alice: snort.
Tuesday April 16,
2013
Tags #executives, #ignorance (knowledge), #table tennis, #ping pong table, #central area, #disrupt floor, #questioning motivation
Transcript
CEO: Let's get a ping-pong table so we look like a great place to work. Put it in a central area that will disrupt the entire floor if anyone uses it. I just realized that I don't know why noise comes out of my mouth.
Saturday January 05,
2008
Tags #intern, #mole, #secret, #undercover, #hidden, #blended, #rodent, #animal, #mouselike
Transcript
Asok: Someone said our pointy-haired boss hired a mole. Moles creep me out. Dilbert: Mole is a figure of speech. It's not literally a mole. Asok: Why do I feel tiny eyes on the back of my neck?"
Thursday January 10,
2008
Tags #aligns with priorities, #budget, #lying, #priorities, #questiong
Transcript
The Boss: Tina, put together a document showing how our budget aligns with out priorities. Tina: It doesn't. The Boss: Write it so it seems like it does. Tina: Isn't that lying? The Boss: I call it leadership by words.
Tuesday January 15,
2008
Tags #corner, #cubilce, #door, #fantasy, #nutrients, #office, #replacement, #giant mushroom
Transcript
The Boss: Now that you're out of the loop, your new cubicle will be a giant mushroom. It's a pleasant environment except when the mushroom gets its nutrients. wally: Nutrients?
Monday January 21,
2008
Tags #functioned as incubator, #innovations, #contributions, #incubating brains
Transcript
Wally: this week I functioned as an incubator of innovations for contributions to the value chain. To the observer, it looks as if I am doing nothing, but on the inside, I am incubating my brains out. The Boss: It doesn't count unless it hurts. Wally: It hurts plenty.
Thursday February 28,
2008
Tags #approval policy, #coffee supplies, #disobedience, #fire, #hatred, #new informational services, #effigies
Transcript
Man: I realize you don't like the new information services approval policy. But I would appreciate it if you didn't build effigies of me out of coffee supplies." "Seriously. It's creeping me out." Alice: Heh heh heh!"
Wednesday March 12,
2008
Tags #pronouned hay-soos, #fixed eye sight, #hair regrow, #40 shares, #punch pilot light, #ceo, #team organizer
Transcript
Pronounced Hay-soos. Wally: The new team leader, Jesus, is gaining quite a following." He fixed my eyesight and made my hair regrow. I think he wants your job as CEO. For forty shares of stock, I could point him out at lunch. CEO: I'll punch his pilot light out!"