Just Listen Comic Strips - Page 93

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anti depressant, #bad mood, #pepper spray, #gaaa

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I invented an external anti-depressant. "When I'm in a bad mood I just apply it to other people." Pshht "It used to be called pepper spray." "GAAA!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #hierarchy, #invisible, #managers, #status, #underling, #steering committee, #tall memebers, #senior menagement, #acknowledge exitence

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"Asok, I want you to attend the technology steering committee for me." "But they are all tall members of senior management. They won't even acknowledge my existence." "Phfft." "Hey, Andy, this seat is free. I'll just move my coffee."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketing guru, #tractor sized mp3 players, #free ipod, #pricing

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The Marketing Guru "Consumers will buy our tractor-sized mp3 players if we offer something free with each one." "So we'll offer a free iPod with each sale, and free towing to the landfill for our mp3 player." "The rest is just pricing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the contractor, #easy to get rid of, #paperwork, #point finger, #firing finger

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The Contractor "No pressure, but do you have any idea how easy it would be to get rid of you?" "There isn't even any paperwork. I just point my finger and you're history." "Here comes the firing finger. Oooh...Watch out!"

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I just saw a study that says the dull appearance of my cubicle is probably inhibiting the growth of neurons in my brain! "Try sitting there for a few hours and then tell me if you feel any different." "Now I can't remember what I was complaining about."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"You're always complaining about the management of your company so I decided to do something about it." "I used my billions to buy your company!" "You're going to fix management?" "No, I just wanted to stop all the whining. You're fired."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Unemployed "No problem. I'll just go online and find a great job." "Let's see...This one looks good. 'No experience needed..." "...Must be willing to relocate, then be put into a huge blender and packed as a condiment.'"

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Job Interview "We need someone who can solve the biggest engineering problem we have ever encountered." "Just distribute the power supply across both functions and double the fan size." "Thanks. If I need anything else, I'll interview you again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #animals in human situations, #career, #criticism, #jobs, #pet ownership, #counselor, #pity

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Career Counselor Woman: And why did you leave your last job? Dilbert: My dog was tired of hearing me whine about my job, so he became a billionaire and bought my company and fired me. Woman: I don't have a checkbox for that so I'll just write in "loser".

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Google Headquarters "Isn't it a little bit evil to kill Dilbert with our death ray?" "Good point...What if I just blast the space station out of orbit and make it land on his house?" "I'll bet you ten billion dollars you can't." "And the lower has to introduce himself as 'the dumb one.'"