Man Screams Comic Strips - Page 93

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Man Screams

View 921 - 930 results for man screams comic strips. Discover the best "Man Screams" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2004's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #improve communication, #imitates boss, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I called this meeting so I could tell you the division's goals for next year. Alice: Thats a good idea because we're all so dumb that we coldly possibly read this in email. Goal one: Improve communication. ALiceL I can't. Im too dumb.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 2004's comic on:


Tags #Kids, #turned out fine, #leave early, #how many kids

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Do you mind if I leave early to spend some time with my kids? The Boss: I never spent time with my kids and they turned out fine! How many do you have? The Boss: threeish.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2004's comic on:


Tags #complain, #joke, #human rsources, #psychologically damaged, #empty shell, #always been, #hungry

View Transcript

Transcript

"Wally, did you complain to human resources about my off-color e-mail joke?" "Yes. I was psycologically damaged by your mirth. Now I'm an empty shell of a man." "You've ALWAYS been an empty shell of a man!!!" "This is making me hungry."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 1999's comic on:


Tags #little experiment, #stupid opinion, #aggressively mock, #passing fad, #internet is fad, #internet is everywhere, #back up plan, #attribute opinon

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting on the couch, eating, watching TV. Dogbert says to him, "I'm trying a little experiment tonight." Dobert continues, "I'll attribute a stupid opinion to you..." "Then I"ll aggressively mock you while you sit there saying nothing." Dogbert says, "So, according to you, the internet is a passing fad." Dogbert screams, "You moron! Look around you! The internet is everywhere!" Then, "And there's nothing you can do about it! Nothing!" Dilbert, who has turned back to the TV, asks, "How did that feel?" Dogbert replies, "Quite satisfying." Dilbert offers Dogbert some of what he's eating. Dogbert then adds, "I needed a backup plan in case you every get laryngitis."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 1999's comic on:


Tags #information promised, #ignored request, #squadron, #military squirrels, #plausible lie, #giant military squirrels, #secret lair

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally and Dilbert are walking down the hall. Dilbert says, "There's Ted. He never sent me the information he promised." Wally and Dilbert stop when they come up to Ted. Dilbert asks, "Why have you ignored my request, Ted?" Ted says, "I was killed by a squadron of giant military squirrels." Wally tells Dilbert, that "He doesn't respect you enough to tell a plausible lie." Dilbert screams, "I demand a PLAUSIBLE lie!" Ted responds, "Okay, maybe I WASN'T killed by giant military squirrels." Ted continues, "But I WAS imprisoned in their secret lair at the center of the earth." Wally and Dilbert are walking away. Wally: "You can't prove that one either way." Dilbert: "He did say it was a "secret" lair."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 1999's comic on:


Tags #few upgrades to design, #realize engineer, #graduate of liberal arts, #college, #broad exposure, #modern renaissance, #timing circuit, #moby dick, #charles dickens, #engineering classes, #poor engineers, #work is small, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss hands Alice a piece of paper. He says, "I made a few upgrades to your design, Alice." Alice turns and says, "Do you realize you're not an engineer?" The Boss replies, "I'm better! I'm a well-rounded graduate of a liberal arts college." The Boss continues, "The broad exposure to diverse topics made me what I am today." The Boss says, "A modern renaissance man." Alice says, "You scribbled out my timing circuit and wrote in 'Moby Dick by Charles Dickens.'" The Boss says, "Exactly! I'll bet you didn't learn THAT in your engineering classes." The Boss walks away and thinks, "Poor engineers; there world is so small."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 1999's comic on:


Tags #feng shui consultant, #one in your vent, #rubber bands, #spirits, #trousers, #evil soirits, #koi pond, #feel any luckier

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: "The Feng Shui Consultant" Dogbert stands on the boss' desk and says, "This office is swarming with evil spirits" The Boss says, "It is?" Dogbert says, "There's one in your vent! Ooh - he ducked back in before you saw him." Dogbert says, "Put Rubber bands around your pant legs to keep the spirits out of your trousers." Dogbert says, "I figure the evil spirits will mount - a rear assault through that window." Dogbert screams. Dogbert's ears fly up. Dogbert says, "It's gone now." The boss says, "What did you see?!" Dogbert says, "It's gone now." The boss hides under his desk. Dogbert wags his tail and says, "Your only hope is to turn your secretary's cubicle intoa koi pond." Dilbert stnad by Carol's cubicle which is now filled with water and a leaping fish. Carol sits in the water wearing a scuba mask. Dilbert says, "Do you feel any luckier?" Carol curses.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 1999's comic on:


Tags #tough negotiator, #deal, #sign contract, #totally different, #conditions, #complained, #borrow, #briefcase, #no one complained

View Transcript

Transcript

A salesman sits with his briefcase across from Dilbert. The salesman says, " a tough negotiator, but I think we have a deal." The salesman hands Dilbert a piece off paper and says, "Just sign the contract and we'll deliver the equipment." Dilbert reads and says, "This contract is totally different from what we agreed." The salesman thinks, "Must act suprised." and says, "Really?" dilbert says, "Why are you spring all these conditions on me at the last minute?" The sales man says, "No onwe has ever complained before." Dilbert says, "Can I borrow your briefcase for a minute?" and takes the briefcase. The salesman says, "Um... okay." dilbert drops the briefcase off a balcony. The salesman says, "That wasn't nice." Dilbert says, "No one has complained before."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 1999's comic on:


Tags #pointy hired boss, #phone, #email, #pager, #electronic attempts, #ruin productivity, #send in ground trrops, #return some calls

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol shows up in Dilbert's cubicle wearing a backpack and holding a staff. Carol says, "The pointy-haired boss wants to see you." Carol says, "He tried to reach you by phone, e-mail and pager." Carol says, "But you resisted his electronic attempts to ruin your productivity." Carol says, "so he decided to send in the ground troops." Carol pionts the staff at Dilbert and says, "Don't make me use this!" Dilbert stand in the boss' office. the boss says, "Could you wait outside while I return some phone calls?" Wally and Alice stand in line. Wally says, "Get to the back of the line." Dilbert stands behind three random people. Dilbert says, "Does everyone want to have a conversation?" The man in front of Dilbert says, "I have a magazine."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 1999's comic on:


Tags #last bullet point, #bullet point, #admit wrong, #alice heard wrong, #boss has to admit wrong

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice has just presented a document to the Boss. As the Boss reads it, he tells her, "Remove that last bullet point. It's stupid." Alice gasps. Alice crosses her arms and says, "Yesterday, you told me to add that bullet point." She continues, "So either you were wrong today or you were wrong yesterday." The Boss ponders this. Alice pokes her head out of the Boss' office to tell the other workers, "Everyone come quickly! He has to admit he's wrong!" Dilbert and Asok sprint down the hall. Wally's head pops up from behind his cubicle wall, elated. Once the other employees are gathered around her, Alice cues the Boss, "Say it." The Boss responds, "Alice heard me wrong yesterday." Alice is furious as everyone continues to stand around her. Wally says, "It takes a big man to admit Alice is wrong." Asok, cupping his hands to his mouth, yells, "Can you hear us Alice?"